Monsters In The Dark
by GohanRules
Summary: Sometimes not so innocent things happen to innocent people. In Carlos' case, his innocence has been stripped away the worst way posible. Will he be able to deal with the help of his friends? Or will he just be an empty shell forever?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Hey guys! Some of you may be happy to know that I'm starting this. It's going to be a multi-chapter Carlos angst. And let me just say, that Carlos angst is so painful to write. The little cutie is just so sweet and innocent, ya know? Well, anyway, I need you guys' help. I'm not sure if this should be Cargan or friendship. So, after you read this, please go to my profile and vote on the poll I'm putting up. It'll be extremely helpful. Also, I'm just going to say this now: this is _the _angstiest thing I've ever written up to this point. And if you've read "Past Demons" or "Silent Scream", you know this is going to be really angsty. But still, enjoy!

**Warnings: **extreme angst, non-consensual sex, language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Big Time Rush or Skittles :)

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><p>"Rock! Paper! Scissors! Shoot!"<p>

There was a moment of silence as the four boys looked down at their hands. James, Logan, and Kendall cheered as they pumped their victorious "rocks" in the air. Carlos scowled furiously at them. His gaze switched between his three laughing friends to his outstretched index and middle fingers. The _one_ time he didn't choose paper! The one time!

"Whatever," Carlos mumbled under his breath. He was met with three sets of teasing grins in return.

"Aw, don't worry _Carlitos_. It's not _that _dark out," James said.

"Yea, I'm sure the big, bad monsters won't eat you if you run fast," Kendall added with a laugh.

Carlos looked between the two as his face began to burn. He looked to Logan expectantly. The brunet only smiled warmly and shrugged. The Latino sighed and reluctantly stood up from his seat on the couch.

"Fine. I'll be back in twenty minutes."

The short man turned away from his friends and began walking away. He still bore the scowl on his face as he passed the hook with the keys, and grabbed his own. Without another look back, he slammed the door shut and quickly locked before continuing to walk speedily to the elevator. The hall was quiet and vacant. As soon as the elevator doors were open, Carlos jumped in and began repeatedly pressing the button to reach the lobby.

The lobby was dark. Mr. Bitters didn't like to waste any electricity if he thought no one was going to be passing by the lobby. That and he said the light kept him awake while he slept. Carlos pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed a random button. Just as he wanted, the light from the small device illuminated the area in front of him. His eyes shifted from side to side nervously as he cautiously made his way to the entrance of the hotel. He took a deep breath and pushed his phone deep into his pocket.

"All of this just to get some stupid Skittles…," he whined before pushing the doors open and walking out of the safety of the PalmWoods and into the cold, crisp darkness of the night.

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><p>"Aqui estas joven,"(1) the middle-aged man spoke as he handed Carlos the bag of Skittles placed inside a plastic shopping bag along with his change. He smiled widely as he took the bag and money from the cashier.<p>

"Gracias. Que tengas una buena noche,"(2) Carlos replied as he started to walk off. He exited the small store and looked around. There was no one in sight. The only cars present belonged to the employees working the night shift. The Latino was contemplating calling Logan to come pick him up, but he quickly banished the idea. Kendall and James already made fun of his fear of being out at night. He didn't need to give them anymore reason to tease him.

The contact between the pavement and Carlos' black converse was the only sound detectable. The Hispanic couldn't help the way he was slightly shaking as he trudged on. His heart was beating rapidly as if desperately trying to escape his chest. He attempted to calm himself with deep, relaxing breaths.

_'Calm down Carlos. There's nothing to worry about. Home is just a short walk away. Soon you'll be sitting safe on the couch eating some Skittles with Logie and the others.'_

The promised security of something so familiar to him was able to calm him down for the moment being. By now, every step was a difficult task for him. He spared a glance backwards. Nothing. He sighed in satisfaction. He was getting all worked up over nothing. Maybe after this, he'll be gone of his childish phobia. All he needed to do was…_relax_.

"Okay, Carlos. Just…_relax_," he spoke to himself. "Maybe if I sing something to distract myself…"

The tan teen bit his the inside of his cheek in thought. He remained quiet for a moment before thinking of a song that was fun to sing, and would distract keep his mind off of his current setting. He cleared his throat loudly, preparing himself to sing.

_"You think I'm pretty without any make-up on_

_You think I'm funny when I tell the punch line wrong_

_I know you get me, so I let my walls come down, down."_

At first, his voice was shaky and unsure. The lyrics disappeared into the vast emptiness without much of chance. But as the song progressed, Carlos couldn't help but notice the way the corners of his mouth started to slightly rise. He could feel his shoulder dropping little by little.

_"Before you met me, I was alright_

_But things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life_

_Now every February you'll be my Valentine, Valentine."_

The Latino was practically belting out the words to the song at the top of his lungs now. He had completely forgotten about his surroundings, what time it was, or the fact that he was by himself. His mind was solely on the song he was singing as he walked with a noticeable spring in his step. The laughter was clearly evident in his voice.

_"Let's go all the way tonight_

_No regrets, just love_

_We can dance until we die_

_You and I, we'll be young forev-_aah!"

Carlos squealed in surprise as an arm wrapped around his waist from behind and pulled him into a broad chest. He struggled against the hold frantically while his heart pounded violently in his chest.

"L-let g-go. Let go! Let g-"

"Shut the fuck up," a low voice whispered into Carlos' ear. The Latino leaned his head forward and lunged it back, forcing the back of his head to make painful contact with the captor's nose. The grip around Carlos' waist loosened momentarily, and he took the chance to push the man off of him and sprint away, the plastic bag with the Skittles left forgotten on the world.

"Help! Help! Hel-"

The short teen only made it a few step before he was tackled down from behind. He grunted as his shoulder hit the dirty ground. He was turned over on his back and the man straddled his waist. Tears were now beginning to flow freely from his soft brown eyes as he finally got a good look at the man's face. He looked to be in his early twenties, and he had long blond hair that fell down his face as he stared down at Carlos with furious dark blue eyes and a masochistic smirk. The man licked his lips slowly as his eyes trailed down Carlos' clothed torso. He covered the Latino's mouth and leaned forward so that they were face to face.

"I'm going to have a lot of fun with you…," he breathed.

Carlos' eyes went wide in realization and he shook his head fervently. His muffled whimpers went uncared for as the man got off of him and pulled the teen up to his feet. With his hand still keeping the Latino from talking, he practically dragged the shorter with him as he walked behind a small, closed clothing store. The flat grassy area was secluded and dark. Neither of the two could see more than a foot in front of them.

"Perfect. No distractions…," the man laughed as he pushed Carlos down to the floor.

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><p>"Guys, this is too weird. Carlos should have been back twenty minutes ago," Logan said as he paced back and forth in front of his friends sitting on the couch. James and Kendall's eyebrows furrowed. They were starting to get worried too. It was already midnight, and they still hadn't heard from the Latino. He didn't even answer any of their calls.<p>

"Well maybe he just got distracted on the way and decided to run around the park."

Logan shook his head dismissively as he continued to trudge his feet over the carpet.

"No, no. It's the middle of the night."

"Yea, but since when does Carlos make any sense?"

This time, the brunet stopped his movements and quickly walked over to James. He leaned down and glared at the taller's hazel eyes.

"Stop making stuff up. You know just as well as I do that Carlos is afraid of being out alone at night," Logan forced before standing up straight and running a shaky hand through his hair. "Oh my god. Why did we send him out by himself? Why didn't I just give him a ride?"

Kendall shot up from his seat concernedly as he hugged Logan weakly.

"Logan! Calm down. I'm sure he's just fine. We're in L.A. For all we know he might just be late 'cause there was a huge line or something. Besides, Carlos can take care of himself."

The genius sighed and nodded as he released Kendall. He looked up and gave the blond a thankful smile.

"You're right. He'll probably get here any minute, right? And maybe his phone just ran out of charge or something."

'Yea," Kendall replied with a small smile.

James looked down at his lap with a frown. He didn't want to bring up the fact that Carlos had been charging his phone for two hours before he left the apartment.

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><p>Wispy, dark clouds were quickly making their way across the vast expanse of sky. The moon was virtually nonexistent, leaving the usually bright and rambunctious city in a dark and silent mood. Strong winds swept through the empty streets.<p>

Crickets. That's all he could hear. Their incessant chirping was drilling a hole in his brain, but the annoying sound was strangely comforting. It kept his mind from wandering t what just happened. It kept him from thinking too much. Carlos was still unaware of where exactly he was. He could see nothing through the thick haze around him. He was cold and wet. He could feel the prickly, moist grass under his bare legs. It was an uncomfortable feeling, but he couldn't force himself to move. All he could do was just lie there. Spread eagle on the floor. Just how he was left. He couldn't even find the energy to cry anymore. His tears had long dried out. At first they were tears of fear. Then they had become tears of pain. But now they were gone. There was no point in crying anymore. It wouldn't change anything.

Carlos was distracted from his thoughts as a flash of lightning momentarily illuminated the sky. Through that one second, he was able to see his pants laying a few feet to his left. Yet, he didn't make a move to get it. It still hurt. He knew it would hurt more once he finally _did_ move.

A loud roar of thunder echoed in the air. The Hispanic didn't even flinch. Not a chance. Then, out of nowhere, a barrage of water droplets dropped down from above. The cold needles of water pricked at Carlos' body. He bit his lip softly as the sharp touch made contact with his member. He couldn't help it. Without thinking, he shifted an inch. He soon regretted it as a charge of white, hot pain coursed through his bottom.

"Aaah!" he screamed in utter anguish. And just like that, the tears were back and flowing like never before. His head was swinging from side to side as his loud wails sounded over the noise of the rain meeting the ground. Everything that had happened was just beginning to sink in. How could he let this happen? Why wasn't he able to get away? Who was that man, and why did he do it? Yet, even with all these questions accumulating his thoughts, the Latino couldn't get past the awkwardness the cold rain was causing him. His shirt was sticking to his chest like a second skin, and he could feel a large puddle of thick mud forming around his body. This couldn't be healthy. He knew he didn't have much of a choice if he didn't want to risk getting an infection.

That thought was motivation enough for the sixteen year old. He steeled his nerves for what he knew was coming. He placed his palms down flat on the ground and slowly pushed himself up. His usually strong arms shook under the small weight of his upper body, and he was barely able to keep himself from falling back down. Once his full weight was on his unclothed bottom, a new set of whimpers escaped him. He swallowed them down as best he could as he rocked from side to side. Once he gained enough momentum, he allowed his body to turn completely so that he was now on his hands and knees. He froze for a second to catch his breath. The simple task of standing up had proved itself to be harder than he thought it would be, but he couldn't stay in this position for ever. Before standing up fully, he blindly patted the muddy ground until he came in contact with the rough fabric of his torn jeans. He fisted them tightly in his hand before pulling himself up to his feet. He was able to slowly pull his pants up to his waist without causing much pain. He didn't even bother to look for his underwear.

Another spark of light cleared the night. This time, Carlos was able to memorize every step needed to arrive back to the street he was on earlier. Regardless, every step was forced and heavy. His shoes made small splashes as he walked past every puddle until he reached the concrete sidewalk. He stopped and looked around. The streetlamps were enough to illuminate the dark, empty streets, and that small comfort brought a sad smile to Carlos' face. He heard a quiet rustle to his right and snapped his head in that direction. There on the floor he saw the forgotten bag of fruity candy rustling in the wind. His face deadpanned. He showed no emotion at all as he slowly walked over to the bag and looked down at it. Not caring about the pain anymore, he bent down and picked up the bag. The Latino turned and made his way back home, choosing to ignore reality for the moment being.

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><p><strong>Wow…I'm not going to lie…I've read stuff <strong>_**way **_**more graphic than this, but this is definitely the most graphic I've ever gotten (not including my smut). It was so sad that hurting Carlos like that brought me such satisfaction. I'm sick, I really am, lol. But I hope you guys liked it. I'll try to have the second chapter up soon, but remember to vote on my poll. It's very important. Also, I know some of you already know this and are probably annoyed I keep bringing it up, but if you want to know more about when and what I update, you can follow me on Twitter: Gohanrules1. Well, that's it. Please Review and vote :)**

**-Gohanrules out!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Wow! Ok first of all, I just want to say thank you to everyone who reviewed and even those who just read. I never expected this story to be so popular, so your positive feedback really surprised me. Also, I see that most of you would like this story to be Cargan, so…your wish is my command! Just so you know, I plan on this story being pretty lengthy compared to my other ones. And if you haven't noticed, I'm trying to be a little bit more descriptive in my writing to see if it's better that way or not. So when you guys review, can you please tell me how I'm doing in that department so that I can improve? Thanks :)

**Warnings: **extreme angst, non-consensual sex, and language

**Disclaimer: **Sorry, but I don't own Big Time Rush.

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><p>Millions of drops of water flew through the air like knives thrown at an angle. Lightning travelled between clouds, sending high volts of electricity from one smoky puff to another. Booming thunder vibrated the earth, signaling the distant end to the dreadful weather. Even with all the ruckus around them, three teens were nestled in the middle of an uncomfortable silence that had presented itself in their loving room.<p>

James sat on the far end of the large orange couch as he looked at down at his lap. His bottom lip was caught between his teeth and his arms were crossed over his chest. Kendall claimed the rest of the couch and was currently lying on his back as he stared up at the high ceiling. His hands were on his stomach and he displayed a full on scowl.

Of course, out of all three, Logan was coping the worst. The brunet had been pacing and voicing his concerns nonstop for about an hour until he became tired of that. Then he'd moved on to calling everyone on his, James', and Kendall's contacts to make sure Carlos hadn't stopped by someone's house. Once that ended up being of no help at all, Logan had gotten his phone out and had redialed Carlos' number over and over for about half an hour, each time leaving a voicemail filed with more emotion than the last. But soon enough even that had become too difficult a task and the spiky-haired teen had dropped down to his knees as he fought against the sobs that threatened to escape. James and Kendall had been too occupied with their own concerns to notice their friend falling apart just mere feet from them. Wordlessly, the teen had crawled over to the couch and sat himself down on the floor next to James' legs with his back against the couch and his face in his hands.

That was twenty minutes ago. For twenty minutes, that painful silence had lingered in the air. Their world felt fragile as if just the slightest sound or movement would cause everything they knew to break apart into nothing. They had practically given up by now. They were all just too exhausted, shamed, or fearful to admit it.

"What's happening? I'm so confused," James whispered to himself. His quiet voice was easily heard through the mind numbing silence. Logan didn't react as he kept his face hidden behind the makeshift shield of his hands. Kendall's scowl dropped and was instantly replace with a deep frown before he replied.

"What's there to be confused about? Carlos is probably out there lying in a random ditch in the outskirts of the city with a hole in his head or a knife in his chest and it's all our faults. The worst part is that we can't call the police because they'd say he's only been gone for a few hours," the brunet said bitterly, his voice void of any emotion. The tall brunet's arms tightened around himself slightly as the horrible image of one of his best friend's being found dead was introduced into his mind. A small whimper was heard below them. The two offered a short glance at the person on the floor before looking away again.

Logan was fighting an inner battle with himself to keep his emotions in check, yet no matter how much effort he put into it, he couldn't keep the concern, worry, and guilt from showing on his face, hence the position of his hands. He'd been able to keep any of his sobs from escaping for the length of time he'd been seated on the floor. But when Kendall had spoken those cruel yet true words, his strong armor had chipped. His shoulders shook forcefully and his nimble finger curled as he leaned forward. The thin appendages threaded through his raven hair and formed an unforgiving grip. His eyes shut tightly, but a stream of tears succeeded to creep under his eyelids and roll down his cheek. In a matter of seconds, that chip in his armor had become a crack, and that crack had shattered his defenses into millions of useless pieces.

As a result, various sounds filled the living room. Pounding thunder reverberated through the walls. Endless pitter patter echoed as the shower of rain crashed against the window and lightning travelled through the air. And over all the noise, one sound remained dominant above all others. That sound was the collection of heart wrenching sobs, whimpers, and incoherent mumbles released by Logan. In conclusion, it was safe to say a seemingly endless ruckus had found its way into the apartment, yet through all this so called ruckus, the room somehow seemed carved in a permanent state of frustrating silence.

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><p>He was in his own world now. It was as if his mind was clouded by a thick haze. His eyes were empty and unfocused the whole way to the hotel, but he had somehow managed to arrive without making a wrong turn. He was aware enough to feel the vibration from his phone in his pocket every two minutes, but he didn't care enough to wonder who it was. He didn't even question why he even still had his phone. He already knew the answer to that one. That guy only wanted one thing and he got it.<p>

The Latino was momentarily distracted from his thoughts as a ding sounded off inside the elevator, and sure enough, the doors slid open. Carlos dragged his feet as he slowly walked out of the elevator and down the hall. The soaking wet plastic bag in his hand fluttered ever so slightly with every step he took. The fluttering quieted down as Carlos came face to face with the door to 2J. He allowed a frown to settle on to his face. He bit back a sob, but was powerless to hold in the lone, fat tear that rolled down his face. He quickly swiped it away and steeled his nerves. He took out the keys from his pocket and quickly unlocked the door. He pulled the key out and swung the door open swiftly before slamming it closed behind him. His passive façade had returned as he met the gazes of his three friends.

Logan, James, and Kendall all shot up from their positions as soon as they heard the sound of the front door shutting. They all shared the same dumbfounded look, their mouths agape and their eyes wide open. Carlos looked between the three of them expectantly. He didn't fail to notice Logan's moist cheek and red-rimmed eyes. The short brunet was the first to react and a huge smile glued itself onto his face.

"C-Carlos!" he yelled happily as he immediately ran towards the Hispanic by the door.

Carlos' eyed widened in fear and his grip on the plastic bag with the Skittles inside tightened immensely. As Logan got closer and closer, Carlos attempted to step back, but he tripped fell backwards onto the floor.

"Carlos, are you-"

"N-no, St-stop! L-leave me alone!" Carlos yelled as he frantically crawled backwards until his back came in contact with the door. He looked up at Logan with tears threatening to spill from his rich, brown eyes. His body was trembling uncontrollably as he shook his head from side to side. Logan stopped just mere feet away from the wet, muddy mess on the floor. His smile dropped from his face when he looked into his best friend's terrified expression. Logan turned around to see James and Kendall looking at Carlos with shocked looks. The brunet turned back around and looked at Carlos. He made a move to step forward, but halted his own actions when the raven released a loud whimper. He quickly took several steps back and put his hands up in surrender. His own eyes were threatening to spill their own tears when he noticed the relieved look Carlos showed.

For that moment, it was as if all time had stopped. The three teens standing up failed to make a move. All they could do was look down helplessly at their friend who refused to look at them. The young man was curled in on himself and was for some reason shifting around. They all searched for the right words to say, but they came up short. They were forced to remain still and wait for Carlos to make the first move. Surprisingly, that was exactly what the vulnerable looking Hispanic did. But it wasn't what they had expected. Without another word or glance their way, the Latino shot up from the floor and sprinted to his and Logan's shared room.

As soon as Carlos made it inside the dark bedroom, he closed the door and locked it. He didn't bother to acknowledge what had just transpired on the other side of that door. Instead, he calmly walked over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of briefs, a large brown t-shit, and a huge pair of brown sweatpants he used to sleep in. The Latino lifelessly made his way inside the bathroom located inside the room and once again closed and locked the door behind him. He set the clothes he had picked out on the closed seat of the toilet before stepping in front of the mirror over the sink and staring at his own reflection. His eyes trailed down his own reflection and he nearly jumped out of his skin at the realization of how different he looked.

His black locks of hair were muddled and caked with mud. His clothes were soaked and covered in small pieces of dirt, grass, and even a couple leaves here and there. He raised his hands up to his face and frowned deeply. There were several small cuts all over his palms and the back of his hands. Loads of dirt was packed under his short, bloody nails. He rolled his sleeve up to his elbows and a small gasp escaped before he turned away in disgust. Yet, no matter how fast he was to look away, he wasn't able to erase the image of the dark purple bruises covering the majority of his skin. This was all too much. The short Hispanic tore away from his reflection and quickly pulled off his shirt and shimmied out of his jeans, doing his best to ignore the stinging pain radiating through his whole body.

In a matter of minutes, the tub had been filled up with hot water and Carlos didn't hesitate to practically jump inside the scorching water. His cameral colored hand darted up to cover his mouth and a muffled scream sounded through the bathroom. The agonizing pain the water caused as it came in contact with the freshly made cuts, bruises and tears surrounding his body proved too much for Carlos. He looked down at the previously clean, clear water, and grimaced when he saw thick looking brown color it had acquired. He squirmed nonstop due to the fiery burn spreading across his skin and closed his eyes. He could feel a few tears drop down from his cheeks and opened his eyes. What he saw scared him to no end.

At that moment, all his defenses crumbled down. There were no more masks to hide behind, no imaginary world to escape to, and worst of all, there was no way to change what was and will always be. That moment, was the moment that Carlos Garcia felt himself collapse from the weight of his emotions as he sobbed and cried while he sat in a tub full of blood tainted water.

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><p><strong>Alright, so please tell me how I'm doing so far with this story. And don't forget to share your opinions on if I'm being descriptive enough, too descriptive, or if I just need to be more detailed. Oh! And I forgot to add the translations from the last chapter, so here they are:<strong>

_**Here you are young one.**_

_**Thank you. Have a nice night.**_

**So there they are. Sorry, I'll make sure to remember next time, lol. Anyways, thanks for reading, I love you guys, I'll update as soon as I can (I'm starting my junior year tomorrow), and please review!**

**-Gohanrules out!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **Okay, my lengthy writing break is officially over. Sorry it was so long and without warning. The first three weeks I didn't see coming, but this past week was just me being lazy and trying to return to my descriptive style of writing. All of your reviews have been great so far. I'm really happy you guys are liking this story. I'm hoping to make this story even greater than "What's Hidden Underneath" (by the way, thanks for those reviews too). Anyways, I hope you guys like this chapter. It's pretty emotional. I can't wait to update this!

**Warnings: **extreme angst, non-consensual sex, and language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Big Time Rush.

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><p>"Carlos? Carlos, come out, you've been in there for an hour! Carlos, come on, please come out!" Logan shouted over the sound of the shower running as his fist rasped the wooden door. He was met with the same silence from the other side and his nervousness practically shot out the roof. His hand reached for the shiny, gold doorknob and he jiggled it profusely, desperately attempting to find some way to get inside. Just as he had expected, the wooden barrier between him and Carlos didn't budge an inch.<p>

He let go of the knob and stepped back from the door with a frustrated growl. His fingers sifted through his dark, brown spikes as he paced from side to side, his shoes producing the occasional squeak against the hardwood floor. The genius suddenly stopped as he was positioned in front of the door. His eyes settled over the offending obstacle for a short minute. He released a deep breath and his shoulders dropped dejectedly.

"I'm so dead…," he mumbled under his breath. Suddenly, his face hardened and his shoulders squared visibly. Logan jumped from foot to foot for a couple of second before he began running towards the door. His momentum picked up slightly as the distance between him and the locked door lessened. Yet, instead of stopping, the brunet closed his eyes as his shoulder made harsh contact with it. Together, his momentum and weight proved just enough to force the door open with a large _crack_ resounding throughout the apartment. Logan sighed as he tenderly rubbed his shoulder while rolling it back and forth.

As soon as the door was pushed back all the way, Logan's face was hit by a large puff of steam. He flinched backwards and used his sleeve to dry the moisture that had quickly accumulated on his forehead, before taking another determined step forward. His hand gripped the doorframe as he poked his head inside the hot, sticky bathroom. He ignored the humidness closing in on his body as he tried to make out Carlos' figure behind the shower curtain.

"Carlos?"

There was a sudden splash of water and a small squeal barely heard over the sound of shower from the other side of the curtain. Logan remained perfectly still for a total of five seconds, paitently waiting an answer from the Latino.

"L-Logan? I-Is that you?" came a small, weak voice.

The brunet frowned sadly. Of course it was him. Who else would it be? Since when had the four of them needed to warn who they were? They all knew each other too well to have to ask such meaningless questions as "is that you" or "who's there". Nevertheless, Logan swallowed the small, nervous lump that had formed in his throat and answered.

"Yea Carlitos, it's me."

The genius found himself waiting another five seconds for another reply from the strange acting Latino. Instead of getting an amusing comment about how Logan had "sneaked" into the bathroom to see him naked, the Hispanic replied unexpectedly.

"W-Why are you in here? I-I'm n-naked," the short raven stuttered. Logan had to force himself not to whimper in response. This was all too strange. Carlos wasn't acting himself, and it was killing Logan on the inside. Something must have happened while he was out for so long. That was the only explanation to Carlos' alien behavior. The Carlos he knew wouldn't have freaked out from almost getting a hug from him. Hell, the Carlos he knew would have been the one attacking _him_ in a fierce embrace.

A surge of guilt radiated up Logan's chest and bubbled up his throat. What had happened to Carlos? What could have happened to cause such an obvious, drastic change in his best friend? Could he, Kendall, or James have stopped it if they had known? More specifically, could _he _have stopped it from happening if he had put in the effort and just driven the Latino to the store? That question reminded Logan. All this, the guilt, the fear, the strange behavior, was due to an infuriating, insignificant, unimportant bag of skittles. The mere thought was enough to have Logan shaking in anger and self hatred within a few seconds flat.

"Lo-Logie? Are you still th-there?"

Logan bit back his anger as best he could as he struggled to keep his voice calm.

"Um…yea, I'm here, Carlos. I'm here," he managed softly. His voice lost behind the continuous rush of water colliding against Carlos' skin. Somehow, the quiet answer reached the showering teen's ears and he somehow managed to relax slightly. Carlos felt an unfamiliar feel of comfort knowing that Logan would be there.

"Logie?" Carlos asked hesitantly. Logan easily detected the small falter in the usually cheery boy's voice, but chose to ignore it.

"Yea?"

"Could…could you…stay? I'm already done showering. I-I just need t-to change."

Logan didn't know whether to smile or frown at the other's request. He felt like smiling because obviously, Carlos wasn't deathly afraid of him like he had been when he had entered the apartment just over an hour ago. Yet, he couldn't shake off the vibe that a frown was more appropriate for the situation. Why exactly does Carlos want him to stay? Does it have anything to do with what happened while Carlos was out?

All these thoughts, questions, and observations were running though Logan's genius mind in a matter of seconds. Although, he was more confused than ever now, there was no hesitation whatsoever as to his answer.

"Of course. I'll stay as long as you need me."

"Thank you," Carlos whispered as a loud squeak bounced off the walls of the large bathroom and the sound of the shower turned off. By now, the open bathroom door had managed to let out all the steam as it was produced, and Logan was finally able to breathe comfortably. He keened his body against the sink for support as he waited for the Hispanic to come out of the shower. He waited a long minute, but there was no movement.

"Uh, Logie, can you…pass me my towel?"

Logan could have slapped himself for being so stupid. What was he thinking? If he were in Carlos' situation, he wouldn't have come out of the shower naked to show off his modesty either. The pale teen looked down at the stack of clothes on the toilet seat and the huge, fluffy white towel laid over them. He instantly reached for the towel and held it out in front of him, inches away from the curtain.

"Here you go."

This time, it was not hesitation that Logan heard in Carlos' voice. This time, the Latino's voice was laced with unexplainable fear.

"Can you throw it over the curtain, please?"

"Sure."

Logan threw the fluffy towel over to Carlos and leaned back against the counter as he waited for the other to dry off. He could hear the sound of the fabric rubbing up against Carlos' wet skin slowly. For some reason, Carlos was taking a while longer to dry off than he expected, but he shrugged it off as unimportant.

"Now can you pass me my clothes?"

"No problem," Logan muttered as he grabbed the small stack of nightwear and also threw it over the shower curtain. A rustle of clothes came from the other side as Carlos was obviously getting dressed. Then there was a pause in the sounds.

"Is something wrong, Carlitos?" Logan asked worriedly.

"Can I…can I borrow your old Looney Toons shirt?"

Logan raised an eyebrow at the question. He was positive there was a brown t-shirt in the stack of clothes he had given to Carlos. But whatever. If Carlos wanted his Looney Tunes shirt, then that's what he was getting.

"Give me a second!" Logan yelled over his shoulder as he ran out of the bathroom and into his and Carlos' shared bedroom. He made it to his dresser and pulled open a drawer filled with all of his sleeping shirts. His hands made tedious work of moving around the all of the clothes in search for the specific piece of clothing Carlos wanted. When his eyes finally landed on a piece of light brown fabric poking out between two white Hanes shirts, Logan's fingers held onto it and he pulled it out quickly. He closed the drawer and went running back to the bathroom.

"Here, I found it," he said as he tossed it over.

"Thanks…"

A screech broke through the silence of the bathroom as Carlos finally pulled back the curtain and steeped out of the tub, towel laid forgotten on the floor. He looked down at the ground nervously and shifted from his weight from side to side. Logan missed the action as he looked Carlos up and down with a smile. The Latino was wearing a large pair of dark brown sweatpants that covered his feet completely, leaving a small trail of clothing to drag behind him. Even cuter was the way Carlos looked in his extremely big night shirt. The mocha colored t-shirt reached all the way to the Hispanic's thighs, and the sleeves reached halfway between his wrists and elbows. On the middle of the shirt, was a picture of Taz the Tasmanian Devil, under it, the words "Born to be wild". Logan nearly laughed at the irony of the shirt. He couldn't even comprehend what had possessed him to buy such a huge, silly shirt.

Logan smiled widely as he opened his mouth to speak. However, just as he was about to comment on Carlos' appearance, he was stopped cold in his tracks by a soft sniffle. The amusement instantly dropped from his features and his mouth closed with a _clack_. His eyes widened as he finally noticed the way Carlos' shoulders quaked uncontrollably as he continued to look down between his two covered feet.

"Carlos?" Logan asked worriedly?

The Latino gave off a small hiccup as he forced himself to look up. His eyes were red and puffy as tears cascaded down his cheeks, falling to their pitiful doom as they hit the hard ground. His full, bottom lip quivered as more broken, breathless hiccups escaped his mouth.

"Carli-"

Logan wasn't able to finish as Carlos crashed his body against Logan's and wrapped his arms as tightly as he could around the pale teen's middle. Logan's eyes widened as he slowly wrapped his own arms around Carlos. The shorter boy hid his face in Logan's shoulder, his loud cries and sobs coming out muffled through Logan's shirt. The brunet's tightened his hold profusely as he felt Carlos' knees begin to shake. Just as expected, the Hispanic soon after lost the ability to hold himself up and found himself completely depending on Logan to keep him standing as he continued his breathless cries. Logan shut his eyes tightly as he felt the slight tattle tale sign of his lip trembling. He had to keep his emotions in check. Him having a breakdown wouldn't help Carlos any. He forced his voice to come out as even as he could manage it to be, eyes still shut as tightly as he could keep them.

"Carlitos, please…I…you gotta tell me what happened," he attempted. Once the shaky, broken words came out of his mouth, he knew he wouldn't be able to successfully hide his emotions from the Latino. He reluctantly opened his eyes and blinked down at the top of Carlos' head as the shorter held on to him for dear life.

Carlos only shook his head quickly as his hands tightened around Logan's torso. He lifted his head slightly before crashing it back down deep into the brunet's chest, his cries becoming even more uncontrollable. His sniffles continued on loudly and his sobs had become shaky and scared. The frustratingly persistent tears that were rolling down his cheeks were absorbed by the genius' soft, blue t-shirt.

Logan was all he had right now. The spiky haired teen was his anchor, the only person keeping him from curling in on himself in a dark corner. Carlos desperately attempted to stifle his cries for just a second.

"I-I can't…I-I'm sc-scared," he sobbed unevenly before bursting out in another fit of noisy sobs. The terrified tone of the innocent teenager easily broke Logan. He couldn't stand the site of Carlos like this. He bit his lip to silence his own whimper before raising his arms and wrapping them tightly around Carlos.

"It's okay. I promise I'll protect you."

The genius felt Carlos' nails digging into his back, but he didn't care. All he cared about was Carlos. The Hispanic was so scared and broken, and Logan didn't have a clue why. His face relaxed a little as he heard a barely comprehendible whimper. He looked down to see Carlos rubbing his cheek from side to side against his clothed chest.

"L-L-L-"

Logan seemed to understand enough and he shushed Carlos quietly. His knees bent down slightly and Logan maneuvered one of his arms under the bend of Carlos' own knees. The genius gently lifted the Latino into his arms. The mocha toned boy's arms automatically wrapped around Logan's neck as he once again hid his face in the crook between his neck and shoulder. They traveled into the silent, dark room and Logan walked over to Carlos' small twin sized bed. He laid the Latino on his bed and pulled the covers up to his shoulders, a sad smile gracing his face. He swiveled on his heels and made a move to walk over to his own bed, but was stopped by an iron-like grip on his wrist. He snapped his head back with wide eyes and looked down at the silhouette of the short body on the bed. There was a small sniffle and a loud swallow.

"Can…can you…"

Logan wordlessly pulled the cover up and toed off his shoes before climbing into the tiny bed net to Carlos. He scooted over closely to his exhausted friend and placed his arm under his head. The Latino rested his cheek against the muscular shoulder and draped an arm over Logan's chest. The taller sifted his fingertips through Carlos' soft, black hair with one hand and used the other to pull the blankets over the two of them as the small, wavering whimpers stated to die off into the air.

"Logie-"

"Shh…go to sleep. I'll still be here when you wake up," Logan whispered.

"Promise?" Carlos whispered unsurely. Logan leaned down a tad and placed his cheek on Carlos' raven locks.

"Promise."

There was a minute of pure silence. Logan noticed the quiet sobs the Latino had been releasing were now replaced with soft, peaceful snores. He smiled as his unfocused stare remained persistently on his face. Carlos was asleep. Now he could do what he'd been waiting to do for so long. At that moment, the genius broke down the barrier he had temporarily kept up to protect Carlos. His upturned lips wavered and a lone drop of salty liquid escaped one of his eyes, travelling down his cheek and landing on top of Carlos' head. After the escape of the first one, there were many more soon to follow its course. This was the only time Logan would allow himself this weakness. For the sake of Carlos, he would have to put up the front that he was strong. Maybe through his false strength, Carlos would be able to cope with whatever it was he was trying to deal with. That was the last, hopeful thought Logan could remember as his own eyes slowly fluttered closed.

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><p><strong>Okay, done. Thanks for reading guys. I hope you guys aren't too mad about my long absence. It isn't the first time it happens to me (or other authors), but I'll try to make it one of the last for a long time. Moving on, please review? Reviews make me update faster, believe it or not. And also, don't you just love Cargan? :D<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: **Here come the next chapter! I don't have anything to say this time except thank you to all of you guys who read "Show Stopper". I hope it was entertaining. And I also want to point out that I know this fic is pretty dark, but it's not going to be like that _every_ chapter. I tried to add a smidge of fluffiness in this one, so I hope you like it!

**Warnings: **extreme angst, non-consensual sex, and language

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Big Time Rush. And judging by all the stories I've written, I don't think I ever will.

* * *

><p><em>A salty, wet breeze drifted across the beach as the slosh of a large wave reaching shore sounded loudly. The squawks of seagulls flying overhead were lost behind the beautifully relaxing music formed by the crystal blue ocean. The sun was high in the sky, streaming hot rays down towards the water and the clean, white sand of the beach.<em>

_Logan closed his eyes and smiled softly as he felt the familiar sensation of the wind running through his soft hair. He chose not to wear any gel that day. He wanted to experience the ocean breeze blowing through his locks to the full extent, and the hardening hair product he was forced to use by Gustavo would never had allowed him to do that. _

_"It's so beautiful."_

_Logan looked down to his right and smiled widely as he caught the site of Carlos' light brown eyes looking up at him. The Latino was currently sitting next to him on the beach blanket Logan had laid down earlier. His head was leaned comfortably against Logan's shoulder as he looked up at the brunet with an amused expression._

_"Not as beautiful as you," Logan cooed as he leaned forward slightly and rubbed his nose against Carlos'. The Hispanic giggled cutely at the taller teen as a faint, barely noticeable blush appeared on his tanned cheeks. Logan pulled away and draped his arm over Carlos' shoulders. A comfortable silence grew as they both just opted for staring at the sparkling water a little longer. _

_After a minute of silence, Carlos' eyes slowly drifted up to Logan's distracted expression. He giggled under his breath at how focused the genius could look at the strangest f times. But he had to admit; it sure is cute. With that in mind, Carlos found himself yearning to do one thing. He craned his neck up and pecked Logan's soft cheek. The pale boy's chocolate eyes snapped to the side in surprise before he turned his head completely._

_"What was that for?"_

_Carlos shrugged as he gave Logan a grin._

_"Just 'cause," he offered._

_Logan smirked devilishly down at Carlos before surprising the other by pressing their lips together. Carlos' eyes instantly closed at the feel and taste of Logan. Just as he was getting into the kiss, Logan pulled away dutifully. The Hispanic opened his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows._

_"What was that for?"_

_Logan chuckled and tickled Carlos' nose with his own again, resulting in another fit of giggles from the shorter of the two._

_"Just 'cause."_

_"'Cause why?"_

_Logan shrugged and turned away from Carlos with a teasing smile. The Latino poked the pale teen's ribs._

_"Come on, say it," Carlos said._

_"I don't know what you're talking about," Logan answered as he raised his nose in the air._

_"Logie, say it!" the Latino whined._

_"Say what?"_

_"You know what."_

_"Fine," Logan faked a sigh as he turned around and looked at Carlos' excited expression. His charade dropped instantly at the look, and a smiled was plastered on his face. He wrapped his thick arms around Carlos' torso and pulled him in closer. Carlos gasped at the sudden pull, but voluntarily melted into Logan's embrace. The stared each other in the eyes._

_"I love you."_

_As the words escaped Logan's mouth, a sudden rumble could be heard in the distance. Logan looked away with a raised eyebrow, Carlos still held tightly in his arms. _

_"Did you hear that?" Logan asked frantically._

_Another rumble, this time accompanied by a gentle vibration. Logan was beginning to get scared. He looked back at Carlos, but the Latino was still staring up at him loving eyes. As if on cue, the ground began to quiver violently. The sand around the two shook and stirred._

_"An earthquake?" Logan yelled over the loud noise of the ground shaking. Logan looked behind him to see a huge crack tearing the earth in two. His eyes widened as he noticed the crack quickly spreading closer towards them._

_"Logie!"_

_Logan's head snapped back down to Carlos fearfully. Carlos was still etched in the same expression of caring adoration as he was before._

_"Logie, I lo-"_

Logan's eyes snapped open in fear. His chest heaved and he could feel a cold sweat dripping down his forehead. It took a minute for his eyes to adjust to the darkness clouding him, but once he saw the silhouette of the bathroom doorframe, he instantly figured out he had just woken up from a nightmare. But…nightmare or not, Logan's mind had never conjured up such a strange scene. Him and Carlos? Together? Like _that_? What could that even mean?

The pale teen had never been much of a believer in the idea that insignificant dreams held some sort of profound meaning to them, but there _must_ have been some reason for that dream. Logan couldn't even begin to comprehend what kind of hidden message there was to him and Carlos kissing on the beach. And as for the earthquake, that one was probably just as random. Seriously? A huge crack coming towards them and swallowing them up? Logan smiled and shook his head. Ridiculous. It was way too late (or early, depending on how you look at it) to be thinking about such trivial things. He yawned tiredly and closed his eyes ready to go back to sleep. That's when he felt it. There was a light weight in his chest that was shaking slightly. His heart stopped for a second and his blood ran cold.

"Logie? Logie, are you awake?"

_'Carlos!'_

Logan mentally cursed himself for being so stupid. Of course it was Carlos! Who else would it be? He opened his eyes and once again attempted to look past the darkness.

"What's wrong, Carlos?" he asked, his voice heavy from sleep.

Now that Logan was more aware of the short Latino's presence, he also became aware of the way Carlos was shaking restlessly. Had that been what woke him up? Is that why there was an earthquake in his dream? The brunet pushed the thought to the back of his mind for later use.

"I-I'm thirty," Carlos whispered exaggeratedly quietly. Logan had to strain to hear him.

"Why didn't you get up and get something to drink?"

Carlos remained quiet as he tightened his hold around Logan. The genius frowned. He rubbed Carlos' back in what he hoped was a soothing manner.

"Come on, let's go together."

Carlos wordlessly swung his legs over the bed and stood up. Logan followed and instantly, Carlos grabbed the taller's bicep. Logan was becoming used to all close contact by now. They walked across the room slowly, their tight proximity making it difficult to move any faster.

"Its okay, Carlitos. Nothing's going to happen. We're just going to the kitchen," Logan whispered down at the Hispanic. He could swear Carlos whimpered in response, but ignore it. The brunet stopped as he sensed a wall nearby. He blindly reached forward and patted the wall until his fingers came across the light switch. He flicked it on and a bright, fluorescent light immediately infiltrated their eyes. Carlos hid his face behind Logan's shoulder as the brunet's free hand reached over to help keep the light from reaching the Latino's eyes.

"Go ahead and sit down Carlitos."

Carlos reluctantly let go of Logan's arm and walked over to a stool by the kitchen counter. He sat down on it, his eyes never leaving Logan's sight. The brunet smiled comfortingly at him before making his way towards the fridge. He pulled open the door and bent down to search for something to drink.

"What do you want to drink?" he shouted over his shoulder.

"Anything?"

"Alright then," Logan said as he stood back up and turned around to reveal the two Caprisuns in his hands. He kicked the fridge door closed and walked over to Carlos. He handed one to the Latino and sat down in the stool next to him.

"Thank you," Carlos whispered before shoving the straw into the plastic pouch. He brought it up to his lips and sucked on it eagerly. The little pouch was quickly shrinking in his hands. If it weren't for the current situation, Logan would have found this all to be hilarious. A crinkling sound came from the juice container once Carlos dried it out. He pulled away from the straw and frowned at it. Logan quickly punched through his own Caprisun and took a quick drag from it before handing it over to Carlos with a smile. The Latino nodded his head in appreciation before attacking the juice just as he did with his.

"If you were so thirsty, why didn't you just come and get something to drink?" Logan asked. Carlos eyes shifted downwards as he continued drinking. He merely shrugged his shoulders at the question. Logan sighed.

"Carlos?"

Again, the crinkling sound of plastic was heard in the quiet apartment, and Carlos pulled away, this time finding his thirst to be quenched. He turned his head towards Logan and waited for the brunet to go on.

"Do you trust me?"

Carlos raised an eyebrow as he nodded his head suspiciously. His fear rose dramatically as he noticed the way Logan's expression hardened in seriousness.

"I'm okay, I promise!" Carlos found himself saying fearfully.

"Carlos, I haven't said anything."

"O-oh…," he stuttered as he looked away from Logan. The brunet sighed in disappointment.

"Carlos, you don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to, but I know something happened."

The Latino's head snapped back around.

"No! Noting happened! Stop lying!" he said desperately rather than angrily. Logan stood up from the stool looked Carlos directly in the eyes.

"It's okay, I'm here for you, and so are James and Kendall."

"No, no, no, no, no! Nothing happened. Nothing…," Carlos mumbled as he hid his face in his hands and began to shake his head fervently from side to side. Logan hugged Carlos tight in his arms.

"Shh…don't worry. I promise you're safe now," Logan whispered as softly and evenly as he could. The only reply he got from the other was a barely noticeable nod of his head.

"Wow, they look comfortable."

"Yeah, I'm kinda debating on whether or not we should wake them up."

Logan fought the urge the groan as he felt himself slowly be pulled from sleep. The only thing keeping him from doing so was the comfortable warmth he was surrounded in. Logan couldn't remember ever waking up so warm. Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could go back to-

"Are you kidding? I didn't go through the trouble of making breakfast just to have no one eat it," Logan heard. He could already tell it was James.

"But dude, look at them. They look really tired, especially Carlos." Kendall.

The sleep drunk teen reluctantly opened his eyes. Just as he expected, James and Kendall were standing over him. For some reason, James had a tray in his hands. Logan couldn't see what was on it. The two didn't seem to have noticed Logan had awoken on the account of the fact that they were still arguing over the decision if they should wake him or not.

"It's like…eleven! They should get up anyways. You know how cranky Logan gets if he gets too much sleep!"

The short brunet furrowed his eyebrows in displeasure. Him? Cranky? Yea right.

"Hmm…you're right…"

Logan opened his mouth to protest, but was interrupted by James' surprised voice.

"Oh, nevermind! Logan's up!"

"Morning, Logan," Kendall offered sheepishly. Logan rolled his eyes in return.

"What are you guys doing?"

"We made breakfast for Carlos to cheer him up, but it seems like he's already feeling a lot better," James replied as he motioned just below Logan.

The pale teen looked down to see Carlos snuggled up against his chest, his own arms wrapped protectively against the shorter's middle. The Latino was snoring lightly, a mumbled word escaping his lips every now and then. Logan smiled at the peaceful look on Carlos' face.

"I can't believe I didn't notice again."

"Notice what?"

"Nevermind."

"Uh…okay. So anyways, should we wake him up?" Kendall asked.

"Yeah, we should. He's probably really hungry," Logan answered.

The taller two nodded in approval and waited for Logan to do something. The pale teen gently shook Carlos, attempting to bring him back into awareness.

"Carlos…Carlitos, wake up," he whispered quietly.

Surprising to all of them, that was all that was needed to wake the Latino up. His eyes opened quickly and he looked up at Kendall and James. His hold on Logan's shirt tightened, but he speedily caught himself and loosened his grip again. The tallest of the four didn't seem to notice the action, but Logan did.

"Hey, Carlos. We made you breakfast," James explained, suddenly feeling shy.

Carlos stared at the muscular teenager and nodded his head. The tall brunet looked away as he offered the tray to Latino. Carlos reluctantly sat up so he was sitting Indian style, Logan soon copying his actions and adjusting himself next to him. Carlos looked down at the plate now on his lap with an emotionless face.

"Thank you," he mumbled in monotone.

Kendall and James furrowed their eyebrows as they nodded their heads in unison. They all watched as Carlos looked stared down at his breakfast consisting of a large pile of microwave corndogs and a dollop of ketchup on the side. The three onlookers waited for the expected reaction to come, but it never did. Instead, the Hispanic remained still, unenthusiastically eyeing one the things most precious to him in this world: food, more importantly, corndogs. Logan poked Carlos' rib.

"Aren't you hungry?"

Carlos looked up at Logan for a full two seconds before turning the other way completely. Logan frowned and shared a concerned look with Kendall and James.

"I'm…I'm sorry…," Carlos whispered while still keeping his point of vision away from the other three.

"What for?"

"I'm being a baby."

"What are you talking about, buddy?" James asked.

Carlos' head snapped back around to look up at James. The tall brunet's eyes widened as he saw the fat tears welling up in Carlos' eyes.

"It's not a big deal! It's not!"

Kendall stepped forward and reached his hand out, intending to place it comfortably on the Latino's shoulder, but instead having it harshly slapped away.

"I'm not the first person it's happened to! I should have fought back! I could have stopped it!" Carlos yelled angrily, his venomous voice piercing the air. He closed his eyes tight before shoving the heels of his hands against them. He repeated the action, each time hitting himself harder and harder as he accentuated the action by chanting angrily to himself.

"So stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, _stupid_!" he repeated heatedly.

"Carlos, stop it!" Logan yelled firmly as his hands took hold of the shorter's wrists and pulled them towards his own body.

"Leave me alone!"

"Not until you calm down."

"Leave me the fuck alone!" Carlos yelled as he attempted to push Logan away brutally, but the brunet's hold on him was too strong. Logan pulled Carlos in and tightened his arms around his body.

"Carlitos, please," Logan pleaded desperately.

Kendall and James stood over the two in shock. They were in complete disbelief of what exactly it was that was occurring right in front of them. The pair was hesitant about making a move. Never had they seen Carlos act so…broken. Not once in either of their stored memory could they recall a time when the Hispanic cried about something for more than two minutes, let alone cry so strongly that it appeared as if the cheery teen would collapse in on himself at any minute.

The raven-haired teenaged wriggled his body against Logan's desperately. He swung his head from side to side, attempting to find some sort of momentum that would allow him to escape the warm embrace. He couldn't help but notice the way Logan's hold on him tightened the more he struggled, and the more he struggled, the lesser of a chance he had of escaping. The thought shot through Carlos' brain like a bullet through the air. At that moment, an icy cold fear began to chill through his bones and filter in and out of his veins. His attempts to rid himself of the strict hold heightened in effort. His movements became more frantic and his face turned from one showing anger and defeat to one showing plain fear.

"Let go! Let go!"

"Carlitos, just calm dow-"

"Help! Help! Someone!" the Latino yelled at the top of his lungs.

"What are you doing, Carlos? You're going to c-"

Logan wasn't able to finish his sentence as Carlos' forehead made severe contact with his nose.

"Shit!" Logan cursed uncharacteristically as his arms let go of Carlos and his hands cupped his face.

Carlos took advantage of the freedom and practically fell from the bed, knocking the tray of corndogs over to the floor, before tripping out of the room as fast as his short legs could take him. He spared a glance behind him to see if anyone was following him. No one. The first thing he reached was a small hall closet by the front door of the apartment. He didn't know why, but he opened the door and dove in, slamming the door behind him. The space was cramped, and he couldn't see an inch in front of him. He brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them close. He laid his head on them and closed his eyes as he began to breathe in and out deeply.

He was so stupid! Why did he do that? He hurt Logan when the brunet was just trying to help him. Why was this all happening? Last night was a fluke, it never should have happened. He could have done something. He could have fought back. Regardless, he didn't have to go psycho like that and hit Logan so hard.

Carlos was pulled from his direction of thoughts by the squeak of the closet door opening. He looked up with wide eyes, but visibly relaxed once he saw it was just Kendall and James. The two tall teens looked down at him worriedly.

"Carlos, are you okay?" Kendall asked.

The Latino didn't answer. He didn't look away. He just continued to stare Kendall straight in the eyes. Somehow, that was enough of an answer for the blond.

"Come on, it's no big deal. Logan's fine."

"Really?"

The two standing teens nodded their heads in unison. Carlos sighed thankfully. He smiled weakly at the two and stretched his arms out. James and Kendall each clasped a hand and pulled him up forcefully. Carlos yelled in pain as the action caused a superficial burn in his back. The blond and brunet let go of Carlos immediately and the Latino fell to the floor on his knees, his right hand reaching for the spot on his back that was in pain. He could feel a sticky substance connecting Logan's Looney Toons shirt to his skin and he instantly knew it was blood. The shove off the ground must have reopened on of the cuts he had on his back. Carlos winced and looked up. He was surprised to only see James standing over him.

"Wh-where's Kendall?"

"He went to go get Logan."

The Hispanic didn't speak. He merely waited. That's all he could do now. There was no use fighting the inevitable. How the hell was he supposed to explain this one? Logan's inner doctor would tell him to lift up his shirt so he could inspect the damage. Carlos would deny the request, mentioning that it was just a cramp from sitting on the floor for the grand total of two minutes. Then Kendall and James would proceed to forcefully lifting the clothing off of him. And finally, the three would stare in shock as they stared at the collage of cuts and bruises littering his back, chest, and arms.

"Carlos, what happened?" Logan ran into the room and dropped next to Carlos.

Carlos cursed under his breath so Logan wouldn't hear, and he fisted the hem of his shirt in his hands, determined to keep it on his body.

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><p><strong>Cliffhanger! Sorta! Lol, yea, I'm not a cliffhanger kind of person, so I try to not make them often or too suspenseful. But I like how this one ended. In fact, I love this whole chapter! But that's not important. Please, tell me what you guys think of it. Please Review!<strong>

**-Gohanrules out!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: **Haha, look at me updating in less than a month. I couldn't wait to write this chapter because it's extremely important. But it was a real bitch to write. Seriously, I can usually write a chapter in a day or two, but this took me like a four or five days! And this might just be my self-consciousness shining through, but I really think this sucks. But you'll just tell me what you think after you read it.

**Warnings: **extreme angst, non-consensual sex, and language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Big Time Rush.

* * *

><p><em>The Hispanic didn't speak. He merely waited. That's all he could do now. There was no use fighting the inevitable. How the hell was he supposed to explain this one? Logan's inner doctor would tell him to lift up his shirt so he could inspect the damage. Carlos would deny the request, mentioning that it was just a cramp from sitting on the floor for the grand total of two minutes. Then Kendall and James would proceed to forcefully lifting the clothing off of him. And finally, the three would stare in shock as they stared at the collage of cuts and bruises littering his back, chest, and arms.<em>

"_Carlos, what happened?" Logan ran into the room and dropped next to Carlos. _

_Carlos cursed under his breath so Logan wouldn't hear, and he fisted the hem of his shirt in his hands, determined to keep it on his body._

Carlos remained silent, hoping that somehow, all of this, his problems, his fears, his situation, _him_…would all disappear. Of course, the Latino wasn't expecting to have such luck. Logan asked again.

"Carlos, please, what's wrong?"

The writhing teen shook his head from side to side and grunted through clenched teeth. It was all he could manage through the searing hot pain that was overcoming his whole body.

"Where does it hurt?" Logan asked concernedly.

A wave of panic hit Carlos at the question. Where _wasn't_ it hurting? His arms, his legs, his back, his chest, his…

Carlos swallowed miserably as his body began to shake uncontrollably. He forced his eyes open to see Logan down on the floor next to him. He gave the other a forced, fake smile.

"No, Logie, I-"

"Where…does…it…hurt?" the brunet asked again, this time with a surprisingly high level of assertiveness.

Carlos looked down and away from Logan. He stared down at the ground next to his shaky fist with a wobbly frown. He was so afraid. This was supposed to follow him to the grave. No one was supposed to find out. No one.

"Please tell. Don't make me do it."

Carlos almost whimpered as he felt Logan's hand on his shoulder. The genius gave Carlos a small, tentative squeeze. His hand stayed there for a second, and Carlos wondered what the other was up to. After a minute, Logan's hand reached a little lower until it was between Carlos' shoulder blades. He gently, but firmly prodded the area. That's when Carlos figured it out. The realization hit him like a slap to the wrist. He didn't have time to react as he felt the hand slide lower down his back, and once again, poke his tender flesh. Logan's hand was hazardously close to his reopened wound. So close in fact that the pressure applied was enough to make Carlos groan softly. Logan lowered his hand once again. Carlos' eyes widened in fear. The brunet was somehow ignorant to the fact that his hand was touching the section of Carlos' clothed back that was bloodied.

"No! No!"

Logan's hand shot away from Carlos instantly.

"It's there?"

Carlos stayed quiet, refusing to admit to anything. He heard Logan sigh, but ignored it.

"I'm just going to-"

The Latino could feel the other's feathery light touch over his hand that was still fisting the hem of his shirt.

"Stop!"

"Carlos, just let me check what's wrong with your back!" Logan said as he attempted to pull Carlos' hand off his shirt.

"Leave me alone!" Carlos yelled shakily as he attempted to stave off the brunet's offending fingers.

"Why are you freaking out? I just want to help!"

"I don't want any help!"

"I don't care, you're getting it!" Logan said, once again in that same assertive voice. He grabbed both of Carlos hands and carefully pulled him up so they were both kneeling in front of each other. Carlos avoided looking the other in the eye as he felt the all too familiar prickle of tears coming. Why was he crying? Why was he showing Logan how weak he was?

"Not here…," he whispered softly.

"What?" Logan asked confusedly.

Carlos looked up at Logan pleadingly with teary eyes.

"Not here…," he repeated, this time looking behind Logan to see Kendall and James standing at a distance watching with wide, concerned eyes.

The brunet raised an eyebrow and looked behind him. Once his eyes landed on the two taller teens, Carlos' words made sense. He looked back at the Hispanic and was met with a scared, pleading expression.

"Kendall…James…can you guys leave the apartment for about half an hour?"

"What? No! Log-"

"Just go!" Logan hollered as he turned back and gave James a stern stare. The taller brunet bit the inside of his cheek in reluctance before nodding his head. He spun on his heel and quickly stormed out of the apartment. Kendall sighed and nodded at Logan before following suit and closing the door behind him. Logan turned back to Carlos.

"Now?"

Carlos sniffled and looked down before nodding slightly. This time, he didn't fight the grip Logan's hands immediately had on the hem of his shirt. The spiky-haired teenager slowly inched the shirt up. Carlos shut his eyes as Logan's soft hands reached the top of his abdomen. He heard a sharp intake of breath and whimpered in response. He bit back the groan of pain as he willingly lifted his arms to allow the shirt to come completely off.

Logan's mouth dropped at the sight of purple bruises speckled all over Carlos' chest. His hands trembled profusely as his fingers moved forward slowly, hesitant to touch the other's abused body. Just as contact was about to be made, his fingers recoiled and the brunet cringed in fear.

"C-Carl-los…"

Carlos opened his eyes, allowing his tears to finally streak down his cheeks.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry…"

"Shh…," Logan quieted Carlos as he brought his index finger to the other's lip. His own eyes were red-rimmed and bright with unshed tears. The Latino shook his head fervently and pulled the brunet's hand away.

"No, Logie, you don't understand! It was my fault! It was my fault! He- the guy-," Carlos wasn't able to finish as his words suddenly transformed into incoherent mumbles. Memories of what happened just yesterday flashed through his memory. He could feel the prickle of rain drops hitting his body. Boisterous thunder vibrating his ear drums painfully. The revealing flashes of lightning giving him the occasional view of his attacker. The attacker whose long blond hair sticking to his face with the moisture provided with the storm.

Carlos was lost in the happenings of the night before. He was in too deep to realize what was happening. As far as Carlos knew, everything was happening again. Logan noticed the other's far-off look and attempted to pull him out of it. He placed his hand on Carlos' shoulder with exaggerated gentleness.

"Carlit-"

"No!" Carlos yelled, still too afraid to see Logan in front of him. He slapped the arm away and tried to move back. Unfortunately, his knees got caught in the tangle of his large sweatpants and he tripped backwards, landing on his injured back.

"AAAH!" he yelled at the top of his lungs. The excruciating pain was enough to bring him back to reality. His scream slowly turned into a stream of broken sobs. He choked on them as he looked straight up at the ceiling.

"Carlos! Carlos, Carlos, Carlos please, are you okay! Please tell me you're okay!"

"Why, Logie? I didn't do anything! I promise!" Carlos cried through his moans.

Logan could feel his heart break at the desperation Carlos was emitting. He was at a complete loss as to what he should do. Should he help Carlos up, or should he let him wait out the pain in his back until he's able to sit up again? For a wannabe doctor, Logan was the first person to crack under pressure.

"I know, Carlos, I know. It's not your fault."

"I'm scared, Logie! What if he comes back? Don't let him come back, please!" Carlos was hysterical, barely able to understand the words coming out of his own mouth.

"I promise he won't come back. I'll keep you safe, I swear, Carlitos." Logan reassured as he wiped the tears away from his cheeks angrily.

The Latino closed his eyes. Could he believe that? He knew Logan would do anything to keep him safe, but would he _really _be able to protect him if the danger came back? Carlos just couldn't be sure. He'd probably never be completely out of the way of danger. The mere thought ran cold through his veins.

"Carlitos…"

Carlos sniffled, his loud cries finally dying down to a less ear-splitting level. Logan took that as a sign to go on.

"I-I…need to move you…is that okay?"

"Okay…"

"I'll be gentle."

"Okay."

* * *

><p>"Thirty minutes! We're back!" James yelled as he flung the door open and walked into the apartment. Kendall followed him into the apartment vigorously licking an ice cream cone.<p>

"You can at least pretend like you had a fun time hanging out with me," Kendall grumbled while still busying himself by lapping at the melting chocolate dessert.

James ignored him. He was too busy sweeping his gaze around the empty-looking apartment in search for the two shorter members of the band. There was no sign of them, and James was about to call out for them again when he heard a faint noise. He listened carefully and heard it again. A soft, murmuring sound. It was coming from somewhere inside Carlos and Logan's bedroom.

"Carlos? Logan?" he hollered as he walked towards their room. The blond raised an eyebrow, but decided to follow as well just in case.

James gave a tentative knock on the door and waited. The murmuring on the other side got louder, but neither him nor Kendall could make sense of the muffled noise. This time, Kendall knocked, a little harder than James did previously. After a few seconds of wait, the door finally creaked open to reveal Logan using his arm to wipe away the tears on his face.

"Uh..hey, guys."

"Logan, what's wrong? Are you okay? Where's Carlos?"

The short brunet grimaced before moving aside to allow the taller two into the room. He closed the door as they walked in silently and turned to explain.

"C-Carlos…h-he's not d-doing well," the brunet stuttered.

"What do you mean? Did you find out what happened? Where is he?"

Logan nodded as he rubbed his face.

"He's in the bathroom-"

Kendall made a move to enter the bathroom, but Logan frantically reached over and grabbed his wrist, stopping the blond from going any further.

"Logan, what are you doing?"

"Kendall, wait. You need to know…it's going to be hard…"

The words only succeeded in scaring the two unknowing teenagers even more. What was happening? What traumatizing thing was it that happened to the most innocent person in the world? What happened to Carlos Garcia, helmet wearing, corndog eating, silver lining seeking, ball of energetic sunshine. What happened to their brother?

"Log-"

"Just wait a second," Logan interrupted before walking towards the bathroom. He opened the door just a crack and carefully entered, making sure to not let Kendall or James get a glimpse of the inside. Once again, the familiar, unintelligible sounds of conversation could be heard from behind the door. This time, Kendall and James could clearly make out the two distinct voices of Carlos and Logan, but they still could not detect the actual words being spoken.

"Come in!" they heard Logan yell from inside.

Neither of them wasted a second and instantly made it to the door and swung it open hastily. They froze in mid-step, caught halfway through the threshold. Their mouths gaped open and their eyes widened. Carlos sat next to the bathroom sink, shirtless and crouched forward. His skin was a mix of mocha and various shades of purple. The teen was crouched forward and wincing as Logan stood next to him gently patting a wet washcloth on his back. The pale brunet wore a far-off look as he continued the repetitive action.

"Oh my god…"

Carlos sighed heavily, but kept his gaze down, trying to ignore the burn from the alcohol being applied to his cuts. James and Kendall stepped closer. He could feel their eyes on his body, looking over the damage. He felt disgusting. Ashamed. Self-conscious. Nervous. _Afraid._

"Carlos, what happened?" Kendall asked.

Carlos shrugged as much as his body allowed him to.

"Dude…"

"Nothing happened," Carlos mumbled.

"So you just woke up with the bruises and cuts?"

Carlos shrugged again, this time looking up at Kendall and James with a frown.

"Who did it?" Kendall asked.

The Latino resisted the urge to yell in frustration. Why was that so important? Logan must have asked that dozens of times before Kendall and James got back. Eventually, Carlos' persistent silence was enough to make the brunet huff and begin a quiet string of curses. In fact, Carlos was pretty sure he could hear Logan's faint, angry mumbling rekindling. Under any other circumstance, Carlos would have smiled, but right now, he was just too tired. Too tired to cry, too tired to yell, and definitely too tired to care.

"Look, just…can we not talk about it?" Carlos asked tiredly. This time, he was positive he heard Logan scoff.

"Can you at least tell us what happened?" James added in, determined to get some sort of answer.

Carlos' mouth opened and closed repeatedly. Millions of thoughts were running through his mind. What should he do? What can he say? How will they react? Will they be angry? Disgusted? Ashamed? Would they feel bad for him? Carlos wouldn't be able to stand his three friends giving him sympathetic looks, knowing about how weak he was. The Latino began to freak out as he noticed how long he'd been silent. His mouth seemed to work at a faster pace than his mind as he blurted out an answer.

"They jumped me."

The two taller teens' hands both instantly tightened into fists. Their faces shifted into hard scowls as their bodies began to tremble in anger. They clenched their jaws in an attempt to hold in their angry yells. They looked behind the Latino to see Logan giving them a warning glance. They nodded in understanding and breathed deeply to relax.

"Don't worry about this," Kendall told him with a small smile.

"Yea, it's okay. We won't force you to tell us anything if you don't want to," said James.

Carlos raised his eyebrow in surprise.

"That's it? You're not going to-"

"We _are_ going to find out who did this, so we can kick their asses. But we can wait until you're ready."

"We're here for you, Carlos. No one messes with our brother and gets away with it."

The Latino smiled lopsidedly at the two and blinked away the moisture that snuck into his eyes. No more crying. He was just so happy to hear those words coming out of their mouths. He knew their patience wouldn't last very long, but it was reassuring to know he could buy himself some time.

"Thank you," he told them genuinely.

The two nodded and beamed down at their friend. They had to make sure Carlos knew they would be there for him. They said their goodbyes and walked out of the bathroom.

"Okay, I'm done," Logan informed Carlos as he dropped the washcloth in the sink and washed his hands.

The raven teen blinked and shifted experimentally. He wasn't surprised when he felt the familiar sting, but was pleasantly relieved when he also noticed his newfound maneuverability. He smiled up at Logan, suddenly feeling a lot better since this morning.

"Thanks, Logie."

Logan turned off the faucet and turned his back to Carlos as he dried his hands on the towels hanging from the walls. Carlos frowned in response.

"Logie?"

Logan turned back around and closed the bathroom door. He crossed his arms and looked at Carlos straight in the eyes.

"I won't tell them."

"Tell who what?" Carlos asked confusedly.

"I won't tell James and Carlos what really happened," Logan answered, his expression honest.

Carlos froze, the smile dropping from his face to be replaced with a deep frown. No, this couldn't be happening. He must have heard wrong. He had to have heard wrong.

"W-What?"

Logan moved closer to Carlos and rested his hand on the Hispanic's shoulder. Carlos looked up at the brunet fearfully, but Logan looked down at him with a conflicted frown.

"This morning…when I was holding on to you and you freaked out…"

"So? That doesn't mean anything!"

"Or last night when you asked me to sleep with you…"

"I was _afraid_, Logie, I just got beat up!" Carlos attempted to explain himself, but he knew how obviously defensive his voice sounded.

"You were afraid to go to the kitchen by yourself."

"I already told you I was scared!"

"Carlitos, you don't have to say it. I just want you to know that you're not alone. I'll do anything to help you. But…I understand how me being close may make things worse, so-"

"No!" Carlos stopped him. Logan raised an eyebrow in question. "Please don't leave me alone. _Please_…"

The pale teen smiled and wrapped his arms around Carlos, being extra careful not to touch any of the Hispanic's more sensitive cuts and bruises. Carlos was surprised he wasn't freaking out from the touch. Instead, Carlos found himself reciprocating the hug tightly as he snuggled his face in Logan's shoulder.

'_Safe…'_

* * *

><p><strong>There…yeah, it sucks. But I promise the next chapter will be less…suckish? Well, this is the last extremely angsty chapter for a little while. After all, this is also a Cargan, and I can't leave you guys hanging right? So just so you know, the net chapter will be the beginning of a teeny bit of romance. Can't wait! Oh, and thank you to all of you guys who are reviewing! You seriously make my day!<strong>

**-Gohanrules out!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **Here's another update for you guys. I just couldn't wait to get this one up. Just as I promised, this chapter is light on the angst and heavy on the fluff. It was a pleasant change and I'm pretty happy with the outcome. The only part I'm not so happy with is the end. I just didn't know how to wrap it up, so it's just…weird. Oh, and guess what? This story is officially my most successful one! It's already gotten more reviews than "WHU". Speaking of "WHU", I completely forgot I had to write that spinoff! Lol, sorry, but I'll start off on it as soon as this is up. I already know what I want to happen, so it shouldn't take long.

**Warnings: **extreme angst, non-consensual sex, and language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the other multiple things stated in this chapter.

* * *

><p>Carlos raised his right hand to his forehead, effectively protecting his sensitive eyes from the hot, bright sun's penetrating rays. The mixed sounds of splashing water and people cheering infiltrated his senses as his eyes moved from side to side in search of who he was looking for. They widened in relieved surprise once he finally spotted a pale body sunbathing on a lounge chair by the other side of the pool area. The Latino hastily made his way over, his heart beating a mile per minute as he weaved through crowds of people, making sure to avoid any form of contact. He let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding in once he was finally standing in front of the tanning body.<p>

"Logie, where were you?"

The body jumped slightly as if the other's presence hadn't been previously known. Logan freed his hand from under his head and pulled off the sunglasses nestled on his nose to reveal his dark brown irises.

"What? I've been here for a about an hour," the brunet replied slowly.

Carlos pouted in response. He grabbed the nearest empty chair and pushed it over so it was connected with Logan's. He carefully lowered himself down and turned over to his side, his lips still formed into that persistent pout.

"I woke up and I was alone…"

Logan frowned apologetically at the Latino.

"I'm sorry. It's just…I woke up before you and…I know you haven't been getting the necessary amount of sleep because of your nightmares…I just didn't want to wake you," the brunet finished guiltily.

Carlos' lips resumed their natural position on his face at those words. He nodded his head at Logan and shifted his vision towards the pool. He could see James and Kendall playing a game of chicken with Camille and Guitar Dude. Without noticing it, he released a deep sigh at the sight, Logan raised his eyebrow and followed the shorter's view.

"What's wrong?"

"Huh? Oh…uh, nothing," Carlos dismissed him.

"No, really, what's wrong? Is your back hurting again? C'mon, let's go so I can put some alcohol on your cuts," Logan made a move to get up, but Carlos stopped him quickly.

"No! It's not that. I just…they look like they're having fun, and I'm just a little…"

"Jealous?" Logan offered.

The Latino shrugged his shoulders.

"And a little mad, maybe?"

Logan nodded in understanding. They remained in a stale silence as they pondered over the next words to be spoken. Not surprising to Carlos, Logan was the one to break through the silence.

"How about we go out?"

Carlos' eyes widened at the question. His neck turned sharply and the Hispanic gave the brunet an incredulous look. Logan just stayed there smiling brightly at him.

"U-um…w-what do you mean?" he asked.

"I'm just saying, we've both been locked up in the apartment for a week now. Maybe it's time we went out for some fun. We can go to the ice skating rink!" Logan said excitedly.

Carlos' heartbeat began to slow back to its original speed. He resisted the urge to laugh at how stupid he was for finding the wrong meaning to Logan's words. He calmly turned back to watching the amusing game going on in the pool and replied without a second thought.

"No thanks. I'm kind of cold anyways…"

"Dude…it's like eighty…and we're hockey players…from Minnesota!"

"Yea, but-"

"If you don't want to go, I won't be mad," the brunet assumed. Carlos turned back to Logan and frowned.

"You should take Kendall and James."

"I don't want to go if you're not going."

"Logie, I'll be fine. I'm seventeen not seven."

Logan deadpanned at Carlos. The expression was enough to rile Carlos' nerves.

"I'm not leaving you by yourself. I already did today, and I already regret it."

The Latino crossed his arms and pouted immaturely at the brunet. His mouth opened to speak, but he was interrupted by an excited voice above him.

"Carlos! You're out of the apartment!"

Carlos looked up to see the matching, beaming expressions of the dripping wet Kendall and James. A shiver ran down the short teen's spine at the sight of the two. He inched away from them and closer to Logan as he subtly brought his knees up to his chest. He hated himself for what he was doing. He despised how after a week of nightmares and rising fears, he now wasn't able to calm himself when in the company of his two best friends. The only person he didn't shake and cower in the presence of was Logan.

"Carlos?" James asked with a raised eyebrow.

The Latino looked up and stared at James' nose, not being able to make contact with the brunet's hazel eyes.

"Y-yea, sorry."

James chuckled at his friend and shook his head. Je beamed down at the shorter two boys, showing off his perfect teeth.

"You guys should come with me and Kendall! We're going to the theater to see that new movie with Shia Labeouf."

Kendall's vibrant green eyes widened before he snapped his attention to Logan and Carlos. He nodded his head fervently and gave them both hopeful looks as he bounced up and down slightly from sheer excitement.

"You guys go ahead. Carlos and I have plans of our own," Logan told them.

Carlos' eyes widened and he looked at Logan. The brunet chuckled quietly as h noticed the action from the corner of his eye. James shrugged, but Kendall's shoulders slumped in disappointment.

"But it's Shia Lebeouf!"

Logan shook his head and shrugged. Kendall sighed.

"Fine, have it your way. But we're not bringing back any candy," the blond stated as he stuck his tongue out teasingly at the two and walked away with James. Once they were gone, Carlos looked back to Logan.

"I told you I didn't want to leave," he whined.

"I know. I never said we were going anywhere."

"Then…"

"Let's just go," Logan interrupted as he shot up from the chair and began walking off towards the lobby. The Latino stood and jogged over to the genius as they both began to walk next to each other.

* * *

><p>"Tada!" Logan exclaimed, his arm stretched out as he pushed open the door to 2J.<p>

Carlos poked his head in the doorway and looked around curiously.

"Um…am I missing something?"

Logan gently pushed Carlos inside and closed the door behind them. He grabbed Carlos' wrist and pulled him towards the living room. The Latino allowed himself to be easily guided, but yelped in surprise when his bottom met the soft couch cushion.

"Oomph!"

"We're going to watch our own movie!" Logan stated excitedly as he ran to his and Carlos' room.

Light brown eyes stared in confusion as the Hispanic listened to the sounds coming from behind the closed door of their room. He could hear the slight rustling of clothes and then some sort of shuffling. After a minute more of this, a soft "oh!" sounded, followed by Logan himself leaving the room with several DVD cases in his hands. He walked over to Carlos, the biggest smile on his face.

"Uhh…"

"I put together the perfect Carlos Garcia movie marathon collection!"

Carlos' lips separated slightly in awe. It's been a while since Logan's gotten this excited, but he couldn't figure out why. After all, they were just going to see some movies. The genius teen pushed the cases into Carlos' hands and the Latino looked down at the curiously.

"Toy Story 3…The Ring…Nightmare Before Christmas…The Winnie the Pooh Movie! Oh my god, yes!" Carlos exclaimed as he stood up and wrapped his arms Logan tightly. The brunet blushed slightly as the Latino pulled away.

"So, uh…I chose wisely?"

Carlos nodded his head and grinned. Logan released the breath he was holding in and smiled back at Carlos.

"So what do you want to watch first?"

"Can we watch the Winnie the Pooh Movie last? I haven't seen it yet and I want to save the best for last," Carlos asked as he gave Logan his best pair of puppy eyes. It felt so good to have this Carlos back. The one who was energetic, funny, crazy yet loveable. And today, Logan was going to have back the Carlos he was used to. Or at least he hoped so. Which meant, anything Carlos wants, Carlos gets.

"Yeah, that sounds like an awesome idea," Logan said as he grabbed Toy Story 3 from Carlos' hand and walked over to the TV. He placed the DVD in the player and walked back to the couch, turning off the lights on the way. He plopped himself next to Carlos on the couch as the movie started.

* * *

><p>"Get him! Get him! What? No, that's not-! Ugh!" Carlos yelled furiously at the TV.<p>

Logan backed away slightly from the loud-mouthed Hispanic. He wasn't exactly sure what happened. They'd both been quiet except for the occasional giggle or gasp from Carlos up until now. Then all of a sudden, the small teen began screaming angrily at the screen as if his life (or the toys') depended on it.

"Carlos, why are you yelling?"

"Because they let him go! Did they really expect him to just stop the machine? Never trust anyone in pink, Logie, never!"

Logan couldn't stifle the fit of giggles that erupted from his mouth at that small rant. He couldn't help it. It was just so…_Carlos_! His plan seemed to be working so far, and he loved it. Once his laughter calmed down a little, he relaxed himself back on to the couch, getting closer to Carlos as the movie continued.

The room became almost silent as the two watched the last minutes of the movie. Their eyes never left the screen as Andy began running around the yard, Woody in hand. The bittersweet ending to the movie was starting to set in and Logan resisted the urge to "aw".

He raised an eyebrow when he heard a small sniffle next to him. He turned his head to see Carlos wiping his tears away with the hem of his shirt. Logan mouthed an "aw" that went completely unnoticed by the raven. He made a move to turn his head, but stopped when he saw a sliver of yellowish purple. His gaze slowly crept back to the Latino's temporarily revealed skin.

Logan hadn't been able to tend to Carlos' cuts and bruises since the day he found out about them a week ago. The Latino never allowed him to see his body, insisting that he wasn't completely incompetent and was able to take care of himself. The brunet was reluctant, but he understood why Carlos would need his space.

That brought him to the next line of thinking. The Latino had definitely shown his need for personal space over the past week, but he also hasn't once hesitated to show just how lonely he's been feeling. There hasn't been a night since the…_accident_ that Logan hasn't been shaken awake by Carlos due to one of his nightmares or because the Hispanic had to use the bathroom and was too afraid to go by himself. Carlos was like a scared four year old. It seemed as if the teenager was desperately attempting to gain back the thing that had been shamefully taken away from him. That same thing that the little, feisty, burning ball of joy was most known for.

His innocence.

Logan hated this. He hated how something like this happened to Carlos. He hated how his Carlos had to deal with the fact that he would never fully get back what he lost. He hated how the Latino kept pretending as if he didn't know Logan knew what happened. And he also hated how _he _also kept having these nightmares. Nightmares about _his _Carlos being attacked by some big, shadowy figure at night.

"Can we watch The Ring net?" Carlos' slightly shaky voice broke through the brunet's mind.

Logan turned his head to see the Latino wiping away the last of his tears sheepishly. Logan smiled softly and nodded his head.

"Yeah, sounds awesome. I'll put it in." The brunet stood up and walked over to the DVD player to switch the movie.

Those nightmares weren't the only dreams Logan was having lately. In contrast to the haunting visions of Carlos crying for help as he was being dragged away by some random stranger, the genius' subconscious mind has also been plagued by the occasional flashes of clashing lips, gentle touches, and intertwining tongues. Logan had to admit. No matter how much he didn't want to admit it, the admittedly unceremonious dreams have been anything but unwelcomed. For some inexplicable reason, Logan kept going to sleep every night fearing of the inevitable horrors he knew would return to scar him, but not once did he close his eyes without the feeling of anxious excitement for those sweet dreams of him and Carlos sharing a milkshake by the pool or him and Carlos holding hands while walking down an ominous, winding railroad track.

Logan's grip on the movie case loosened in response to his distracted state, leaving it to fall down to the ground. He sighed before bending over to pick it up. He heard a loud gasp coming from behind him and froze instantly.

"Traitor!" Carlos yelled.

The brunet shot up and turned around wide-eyed in surprise at Carlos.

"What? What happened?" Logan asked as the Latino stood up and pointed an accusing finger at him.

"You're wearing pink!"

Logan raised an eyebrow and looked down at himself. He was wearing a dark blue T-shirt and a pair of comfy, loose fitting jeans. Nope, no pink at all.

"What are you talking about?"

Carlos' eyes narrowed in suspicion at the brunet. His gaze shifted lower down his body before snapping back up to Logan's face.

"Nice try, but I saw them when you bent over. You're wearing pink boxers."

Logan's eyes once again widened, but the reason this time being the embarrassment coursing through his body. Carlos had seen his underwear? His _pink_ underwear? The teen could already feel the familiar heat of a blush spreading across his pale cheeks.

"T-they're P-Pink Panther boxers," Logan stuttered pathetically.

"Exactly! _Pink_ Panther! Not blue or green, but pink!"

"U-uh…I'm sorry?" Logan squeaked, still partially stunned by his self-proclaimed shame.

"I'm watching you…"

Logan nodded his head in agreement as the Latino slowly sat back down, his eyes still settled on him. The brunet reluctantly turned his back to the Latino and glanced down at the case on the floor. This time, instead of bending over, the teen crouched down carefully and hurriedly grabbed the movie. He practically jammed it into the player and scuttled back to his seat next to Carlos. The spiky-haired boy's hands were trembling on his thighs as the sounds of the previews filled the room.

"You're on my list…," Logan heard, inches away from his ear.

* * *

><p><em>Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.<em>

Logan groaned quietly at the offending sound that had seemingly come from nowhere. It had been nothing but absolute quiet up until a second ago, but now he could now easily detect all the sounds around him. By the time the brunet had figured out he must have just woken up, the annoying sound was back.

_Crunch. Crunch. Crunch._

The genius opened his eyes to investigate. He was met with the view of an upside down Carlos bringing him a handful of BBQ chips up to his mouth. That explained where the sound was coming from. Logan looked up quietly at the Latino. The other seemed to be completely unknowing of the fact that Logan was staring right at him.

It was then that the brunet noticed the position he was in. Sometime between when he fell asleep and now, Logan had comfortably situated himself so that he was lying on his back. He could feel Carlos' leg touching the top of his head. Yet, probably the strangest part of his current state was the thick blanket over his body. Strange…when did he bring that? Suddenly, a light brown chip was hanging over Logan's face. The brunet looked up at it with crossed eyes confusedly.

"Want some?"

Logan blinked as he processed the question in his head. He slowly but surely parted his lips and Carlos laughed before popping the chip inside the brunet's mouth. Logan sat up and chewed and swallowed before speaking.

"When did I fall asleep?"

"A little after the movie started. It's over now," the Latino answered with a small shrug. Logan raised his eyebrow.

"I slept through the whole movie?"

Carlos nodded as he pointed at the credits rolling down the screen. Logan fisted the blanket on his lap and gestured towards it.

"What about the blanket?"

"I guess we forgot to turn off the air conditioning and you started shaking while you were sleeping."

"You brought the blanket for me?"

"Yeah."

Logan smiled softly at Carlos and nodded in understanding.

"U-um…thank you…"

"You're welcome."

* * *

><p>"Aww!" both Carlos and Logan cooed in unison at the screen. They watched as the crazy, laughing tiger jumped around on his tail. They both wore matching looks of nostalgia on their faces as they were rushed by all the memories of their childhood.<p>

"I love Tigger! He's my favorite! And he's not pink!"

Logan rolled his eyes at the last comment but nodded his head anyways.

"I agree. But I like Piglet."

Carlos scoffed and gave the brunet a side glance.

"Figures…you would like the pink guy," he whispered, barely loud enough for Logan to hear. The young genius turned his head at Carlos and raised an eyebrow in challenge.

"Excuse me?"

"What?"

"What did you say?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Carlos chuckled.

Logan grabbed the DVD remote on the floor and paused the movie. Carlos turned to Logan as the taller stood up and smiled down at him.

"You said something."

Carlos stood up and beamed at Logan. He took a step away from the brunet.

"Nope! Didn't say anything at all."

"Say it again," Logan said as he took a step forward.

"Hey, when did Mama Knight and Katie get back from Minnesota?" Carlos asked as he pointed behind Logan. The brunet's head snapped around as he readied himself to happily greet Mrs. Knight and Katie. He was met with a lifeless, pale wall. He blinked. Realization finally showed on Logan's face and he turned back around with his mouth open, but all he could see was the front door slamming closed. He smiled contentedly.

Things seemed to be getting a little better. Maybe Carlos just needed a little push in order to heal. Logan could definitely be that push. He's make sure of it. And with that, Logan laughed loudly and began running towards the door to chase Carlos.

"That was a dirty trick!"

* * *

><p><strong>So what did you think? Was it okay? I'm actually pretty good at fluff, but I think all the angst has made me a little rusty. I'm not sure. I'm watching Maury right now and I'm really distracted so…I should stop talking. But first…are you ready? It's that time of the story where I remind you that you guys can follow me on Twitter! My username is Gohanrules1. I promise I'm a fun person, so you can just randomly start a conversation with me whenever you're bored. Anyways, please read and review! I love you guys.<strong>

**-Gohanrules out!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: **Man, it seems like this laptop buisiness is really helping my updating schedule. For those of you who haven't read my last two posts, I got a laptop for Christmas! I'm sorry I haven't updated in such a long period of time, but it seems like there's always some sort of obstacle. But hey, I'm not complaining. And I also felt guilty for those of you who reviewed that thought I wasn't going to continue this. This is by far my favorite story and I plan for it to be lengthy and finished! So yeah, don't worry. If I don't update in a long time, it's because there's something in the way of me doing so. Enough talk! This chapter is pretty angsty on Logan's side. I hope you like it enough to review.

**Warnings: **extreme angst, non-consensual sex, and language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Big Time Rush.

* * *

><p>"Are you almost done?"<p>

Logan refused to spare a glance, instead opting to continue running around the kitchen to tend to the multiple pans on the stove while at the same time washing the dishes he was done using for the time being. Kendall and James sat at the dining table frowning slightly as they watched their friend struggle to make their breakfast. They had woken up just in time to witness the brunet walking into the kitchen, pulling out several appliances and carefully picking the ingredients he needed to make whatever he decided to cook. That had been thirty minutes ago. Thirty long minutes that both Kendall and James had spent impatiently waiting for their breakfast to be made.

"Almost," came the latent response from Logan directed to Kendall.

"'Bout time...," James mumbled to himself more than anyone else.

All three heads in the room snapped to the side as the toaster on the counter unexpectedly shot the four slices of bread it had been toasting into the air. Logan looked down at the pan he held in his right hand and shook it a little before lifting it slightly off the stove and flicking his wrist. He felt a small sense of accomplishment as he watched the chocolate chip pancake flip in the air to land back into the pan on its other side. He set the pan back down and ran to the toaster, grabbing the plate that contained a still steaming, cheesy omelette on it. Quickly, to not burn his fingers, the brunet pulled out the slices of toast and tossed them next to the omellete. He instantly turned back around and ran back to the pan, dropping off the plate in his hand on the counter in exchange for another, empty plate also located on the counter.

"Looks good...," he whispered distractedly before sliding the pancake off of the pan and onto the plate.

"Done!"

"Really?" the two taller teenagers asked in unison as they lifted their heads off the table.

Logan grabbed a wooden tray that was next to the toaster and began collecting plates scattered all over the kitchen. One by one he gently placed the plates full of food onto the tray until the tray itself was overloaded.

"Be right back."

"Wait, what?"

Before the blond could say another word, Logan was walking off away from the kitchen and towards his shared room with Carlos. He walked in and carefully kicked the door closed while balancing the food on the tray. He smiled and opened his mouth to wake the Latino up, but closed his mouth when he noticed the heavy breathing coming from underneath the thin sheets covering the other's whole body. He could tell from the outling of Carlos' body that the shorter teen was sprawled on his stomach, but even then, his small body was heaving up and down drastically on the bed.

Logan walked over to the Latino's bed (which hadn't been used in more than a week) and placed the food down on it before walking over to his own bed. He slowly sat down on the edge and pulled the sheets down enough so that Carlos' face was visible. The raven had his cheek pressed against the mattress and a sheen of sweat was covering his face entirely. A deep scowl tainted his face, making the lines on his forehead more prominent. His full lips were moving slowly in a silent chant. Logan instantly recognized the action as something the Latino did everytime he was having one of his nightmares.

The pale teen looked away from Carlos and closed his eyes. He knew what his friend was dreaming. He knew exactky what he was dreaming because he himself was still being tortured with the same tainting images. Just last night, the genius had to keep himself from screaming Carlos' name in fear as he awoke, cold, sweaty, and sticky. The only thing that had calmed him down enough to go back to sleep was the sight of the sleeping younger teen gently gripping the side of his t-shirt as he snored faintly.

It was hard for Logan too. He had to keep reminding himself that after every laugh, every taunt, every joke, and every cute, little snore, Carlos was just putting up a front. Logan wasn't an idiot. He's come across a couple psychology books in his more curious days. Defense mechanisms, that's what they were called. Carlos was portraying one of the main, and most known mechanisms of all: repression. Sometimes it seemed as if the Latino didn't even remember what had happened over a week ago. Sometimes, it felt as if Carlos was desperately ignoring the fact that his body was _still_ littered with yellowing bruises and still healing cuts. At first, Logan had taken it as a sign that his friend was getting better, that maybe soon they'd finally be able to talk about what _exactly_ did happen and, hopefully, Logan could at least get a description of the guy's face.

The brunet's teeth clenched fiercely at the thought. No question about it, the thing he wanted most was for Carlos to be able to somehow move on from this trauma and be himself again. But... it wasn't a secret, not to James, Kendall, or Carlos himself, that Logan just wanted a few minutes alone with the guy. Of course, Kendall and James felt the same, but they didn't know what _really_ transpired the night Carlos was sent to buy the bag of Skittles.

"That _fucking _bag of Skittles!" Logan whispered venomously as he shot up from the bed and towards the door of the bedroom. He quickly opened the door, not bothering to close it again in risk of slamming it and waking Carlos, and took long strides toward the front door of the apartment. On his way, he was barely aware of a tall blond and muscular brunet shooting up from their bowls of cereal to give him a pair of worried glances. He didn't give them any mind. All he needed was an outlet. He needed somewhere where he could finally release all the pent up emotion he's been holding in for more than a week. The genius' mind wasn't thinking as his feet carried him somewhere he knew he wasn't allowed to be. He didn't care anymore. Logan ran up a narrow hall of stairs and pushed open the heavy, metal door at the end with excessive force. Instantly, his eyes were barraded by a gleam of bright morning sun and his skin was being carresed by the gentle run of the breeze. He stomped his way over to the edge of what he knew was the roof of the hotel and glared down at all the people walking by.

A thought then occured to the brunet. Anyone of these people could be _the_ person. It wasn't as if Carlos was asked to go very far that night. The person must have some sort of connection with this area. For all Logan knew, the guy could be out buying himself a bag of chips as if he hadn't completely ruined two innocent people's lives. His face dropped as he stared off into the horizon. What if they never catch him? What if he gets away with it? What if he does it again? That last question was enough to bring the fire back into the usually calming brown eyes. Logan took a slow step away from the edge and directed his glare up at the slowly passing clouds.

"Why him?" he yelled angrily, his face becoming red. His voice spread through the tranquil air like a knife in butter. As expected, there was no response.

"What the hell did he do to you? Just leave him the fuck alone!" His voice came out even louder than before as a vein became visible on the side of his neck. Logan was now shaking with raw emotion he was trying to overcome. He looked down at the sky as his fists raised to his hair. He pulled mercilessly and he released a loud, tortured shriek. He shrieked until his lungs ran out of air. Until his legs couldn't take it anymore and he dropped down to his knees. His arms shot forward to help support his body on the ground. He immediately recognized the position as the same one Carlos was in when Logan had first found out.

The pale teen pushed himself off his hands so he was kneeling down on the hard, dirty concrete of the roof. His palm went up to dry his quickly moistening eyes, but he wasn't fast enough to stop the continous stream of tears rolling down his cheeks. His hand stopped halfway to his face and tightened into a soft fist. It shook a little before the brunet just gave up and dropped it to his side as he continued to cry. It wasn't fair. None of it was.

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><p>"What happened to you?" Kendall asked worriedly as Logan walked into the apartment, softly closing the door behind him.<p>

"Yeah, you look like a mess," James added in.

Logan rolled his eyes at the pretty boy and crossed his arms over his chest tiredly. He sweeped his gaze around the living room but didn't see any sign of who he was looking for.

"He hasn't left his room."

"Why not?"

James shrugged dismissively. Logan raised an eyebrow but decided not question it as he looked on to Kendall for more.

"He was calling your name about thirty minutes ago. After a while, we got tired of hearing your name so we just went ourselves. He didn't get up from the bed. He just asked us where you were and we told him we didn't know."

Logan mentally cursed himself. He wasn't supposed to leave Carlos alone. The Latino was probably scared when he woke up alone. The pale teen nodded and began walking to his bedroom. He was halted by a firm grasp to his shoulder. Logan looked back curiously at James' pleading expression.

"He... he hasn't told you anything new, has he?"

Logan looked down, unable to meet the other's hazel eyes, and shook his head.

"But if you knew... you'd tell us right?"

This time, the pale teenager glanced up to see a desperate twinkle in his best friend's eyes. Logan hated lying to them, but it wasn't his secret to tell. He promised Carlos he'd wait until he was ready to tell them himself.

"Of course. We're all in this together, right?"

"Yeah..."

With that, Logan quickly walked away from any more obstacles that would keep him from seeing Carlos. He turned the knob of the door, but the motion was stopped short. Locked? That was strange. He gave a few soft knocks to the wood and waited a few seconds. Nothing. He tried again, this time a little more forcefully. Logan could have sworn he heard a rustle come from inside the room, but again he was left waiting.

"Carlitos, are you there? Open up."

Logan was sure he heard a rustle this time, accompanied with a dull thud and a loud hiss. He didn't have time to think about it as the door was suddenly pulled open and he was being pulled in. Carlos slammed the door and was quick to lock it before turning back around to Logan with tears streaking his cheeks.

"W-where were you?"

"I-I was getting-"

"I thought s-something happened," Carlos whimpered as he dried his face using the hem of his shirt. Once again Logan was given that free glimpse at how Carlos' body was healing. He was glad to see that most of the spotting around his stomach was gone nd what _was _still there was barely noticeable. He tore his eyes back up to meet the Latino's hurt ones.

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again," Logan said truthfully. Carlos nodded as he gave Logan a long hug.

"I hate myself," came the barely comprehendible response from Carlos. Logan frowned at the words.

"Why?"

Carlos pulled away from Logan and frowned as well.

"I'm afraid of them. I can't help it."

"Who?"

"Kendall and James. I can't be around them."

Logan smiled sadly. He was well aware of the way Carlos held on to him tighter whenever Kendall and James were around. But he was at least a little happy that the raven was starting to show recognition of the situation.

"You don't have to be afraid of them. They're your best friends. They won't hurt you just as much as I won't," the brunet reassured.

"I know that! But I can't stop reacting. I was so scared when they came into the room and you weren't here. I thought they would..."

"I'm sorry..."

The tan teeneager didn't respond. He stared down at his bare feet sadly. Logan looked around the room and saw the tray of food from earlier still on Carlos' bed, untouched.

"You didn't eat the breakfast I made you."

"Not hungry," Carlos mumbled. Logan nodded. There was a short silence in the room before Logan decided to stop it from lingering too long.

"You want to watch a movie in the living room?"

Carlos nodded his head and smiled softly. Logan beamed before picking up the tray of food and motioning to the door. Carlos nodded and opened it wide enough for Logan to get through. As they walked, Carlos made sure to stay as close to Logan as possible. They both noticed James and Kendall smiling at them from their seats on the couch, but didn't look their way. As they neared the two to get to the kitchen, the Latino couldn't help it. He detested himself for doing it, but found that he couldn't control his impulse. His hand subtly went up and tightly held Logan's short sleeve. Logan frowned but chose not to say anything to further upset the other.

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><p><strong>Voila! What did you think? At first it was really hard to write after such a long time, so I had to force myself down to read the previous six chapters. But after I got into it, this got really easy to write. I'm not very sure if it's good though so tell me what you think in a review. Or hit me up on Twitter ;) <strong>

** -Gohanrules out!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: **Okay so as you can probably see by now, this chapter is exceptionally short. I know one person reading this who knows just how hard it is for me to post something so short. But nonetheless, this is an important chapter. I'll also see if I can update next weekend and make it extra good for you guys

**Warnings: **extreme angst, language, and non-consensual sex.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Big Time Rush.

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><p>Logan cursed quietly to himself as the chilly air filling the apartment managed to slither past the thick blanket he was currently wrapped in and touch his neck. He held the blanket tighter and pulled it in closer to his body in an attempt to stave off the offending temperature. As his teeth began to chatter, all that was running through his mind was how he currently hated Kendall and James for turning the AC so low and not letting him touch it. He was freezing! The brunet was presently in his room, seated on Carlos' bed and shivering in a thick SpongeBob blanket.<p>

"Are you mad?"

Logan's head snapped up and his vision shifted from the area of floor between his and Carlos' bed to the Latino sitting on his. The brunet was amazed to see the other wasn't shivering when all he was wearing was a long-sleeved shirt and baggy jeans. Carlos was mimicking Logan's actions, the only difference being that instead if a blanket in his hands, there was a half-eaten granola bar.

"Why would I be mad?" Logan finally asked.

Carlos brought the granola bar up to his mouth and ripped off a large piece. He chewed quickly before swallowing and answering Logan.

"Because your face is all scrunched up and you look like you're going to punch Kendall or James."

"Why Kendall or James?"

"Because you wouldn't hit me," the raven replied as he took another bite. Logan smiled at the Latino's words. He could feel the significant movement on his face and realized he must have been scowling and not even have noticed it. Carlos looked up from the snack in his hand and mirrored Logan's expression. He giggled softly at the brunet and shook his head. Logan's face dropped a little and he found himself raising an eyebrow.

"What are you laughing at?"

"You," Carlos said as he pointed at Logan accusingly.

"What did I do now?"

"You have a really goofy smile on your face for some reason, and it makes you look funny," Carlos said before finishing off the granola with one final bite. He scrunched up the shiny wrapping in his fist before throwing it next to him on the bed. Logan followed the path of the piece of trash as he watched it land. He threw a mock-glare at Carlos and narrowed his eyes.

"You know there _is_ a small trash bin at the end of the bed. My bed doesn't have to temporarily become your own landfill!"

Carlos grinned sheepishly at Logan and nodded. He grabbed the wrapper and crawled to the end of the bed. Logan watched as Carlos' jeans pulled slightly below his waist as he travelled across the bed. Logan blushed and looked away as he caught a glimpse of the Latino's green underwear. He definitely was _not _expecting that.

"Happy?"

Logan coughed and nodded, still choosing to not look at Carlos. The Latino frowned. What was up with Logan? He's been acting weirder than usual lately.

"Is everything...okay?"

Logan wasn't sure how it was physically possible, but he somehow managed to chuckle dryly through his chattering teeth. He slowly turned his head toward Carlos and smiled sadly.

"I should be asking you that don't you think?" Logan whispered, just loud enough for the Latino to hear. Logan caught it! This time he was sure of what he saw. As soon as the words had left his mouth, Carlos flinched. Sure, it was barely there and sure the Hispanic was quick to cover it up with a smile, but it was still there! That was all Logan needed to continue this conversation in the right direction.

"What do you mean? You're the one acting strange," Carlos chuckled in an attempt to sound nonchalant. Logan saw right through the facade.

"We need to talk," Logan stated before standing up with SpongeBob still covering him and walking over to sit next to Carlos.

"About what?"

The look on Carlos' face was torture to the brunet. His eyebrows were furrowed in worry and it was obvious he was scared of what was coming. But the most heartbreaking part of his expression was probably the wobbly smile the Latino was persistent to keep as if the one feature was able to keep his true thoughts and feeling hidden from everyone.

"Do you trust me?" Logan whispered. He was trying to hold in the uncontrollable shaking his body had acquired, but so much built up tension was starting to get to him. He relaxed his body and his body began to almost vibrate.

"Logie, are you okay," Carlos suddenly asked, his fake smile completely replaced by a deep frown.

"Please, Carlos, just answer?"

Carlos looked down at his lap and sighed. He honestly didn't know what to say. He definitely _wanted _to trust Logan. The brunet has always been there for him through all of his difficulties. No matter how small or big Carlos' problems, Logan has always been there to help him through it. Sometimes that help was physical, but most of the time it tended to be emotional. Logan figured out what was wrong with Carlos after only a day. _A day!_ He cleaned up Carlos' cuts with alcohol, and whenever the Latino hissed due to the burn, Logan would apologize even if he had nothing to do with the reason it stung. The brunet never questioned when Carlos would hold on to him while they were walking or snuggle up against his body when they slept in the same bed night after night. Hell, Logan would sometimes be the one initiating a tight embrace before they went to sleep. So...could Carlos _really_ trust Logan? Even with all the brunet has done for him...did Carlos _honestly_ trust him?

"I...I think so."

"Then...you have to do me a favor," the pale teen continued hesitantly.

Carlos met the brunet's gaze and shivered, for completely different reason than Logan. The other's eyes were so full of emotion. There seemed to be so many things going on in those brown orbs. Carlos couldn't help but to stop and stare at them. Lost for words, Carlos decided to just nod distractedly.

"I want...I want you to go to the hospital."

Carlos eyes widened dramatically as he began to shake his head furiously. He started squirm away from Logan on the bed and he could feel his eyes stinging.

"No, please. No, no, no, no-"

Logan dropped the blanket he had previously been holding onto like a lifeline without a second thought and reached forward. He held the Latino's biceps to keep him from falling off the edge of the bed and pulled him in closer.

"Carlitos, please don't cry. Just listen to what I have to say."

Carlos turned his head to the side and clenched his eyes shut as Logan pulled him in. His body was shaking in fear and his breathing was heavy as he tried to supply his lungs properly.

"N-no, Logie, don't. Don't m-make me go, please. I-"

"Carlos, _please_."

The raven froze in the taller's grip as he heard Logan's voice. His eyes shot open and his head whipped forward. He held in the gasp threatening to come out at the sight of Logan's state. The genius' head was bowed, his face hidden from view. His hands were still clenching Carlos' biceps, but his arms were loosely hanging.

"L-Logie?"

Logan released his hold on Carlos and let his hands travel up to his face. Carlos watched the brunet rub at his hidden face and sniffled. The Latino crawled forward so he was closer to Logan and tried again.

"Logie, are you okay?"

Logan still refused to look up at the shorter teen, but shook his head slightly. Carlos could see the tremble in Logan's shoulders but couldn't tell if it was from how cold the brunet was. Either way, the Latino didn't hesitate to pull Logan forcefully towards his body and wrap him in his arms just as the brunet had done for him so many times in the past two weeks. Logan seemed to melt into his embrace, but his arms didn't reciprocate. Instead, his arms stayed between their two bodies, feeding off of Carlos' warmth.

"Logie, you're burning up!" Carlos said as he felt the other's heated skin against his own.

"I'm scared, Carlos. Please go," Logan voice came out, muffled by Carlos' shoulder. The Latino tensed and bit his bottom lip. He didn't want to. He was afraid to go. But Logan wanted him to go.

"I can't. W-what if the doctor-"

"That's not what I want you to go for."

"Then..."

"What if he gave you something? What if you have something and we don't know?"

It took a minute of thinking for Carlos to finally understand what Logan was talking about. He hadn't even thought about that. How could that have never even crossed his mind? It was very possible that Carlos may have...gotten something. The mere idea that his body may still some part of that guy in him was enough to make Carlos gag. He had to swallow hard to keep from throwing up. His hold on Logan grew stronger instinctively.

"I-I never thought of th-that."

"Please, go. For me?"

Carlos shook with fear. He still didn't want to go. He knew it was for the best. He knew there was nothing to be afraid of. He _knew _Logan wanted him to do this. But he just _couldn't_.

"Will...will you go with me?"

"I wouldn't let you go by yourself," Logan said before pulling away from Carlos and looking him in the eyes. Carlos was amazed by how the brunet's face showed no sign that he was just crying. Carlos thought nothing of it and instead put the brunet's words to mind. He knew Logan was being honest with him. The idea of going to the hospital with Logan by his side made him shake a minute amount less than the idea of going by himself. Carlos found himself giving Logan a barely-there smile and nodding. The taller visibly relaxed and smiled back with his own, wider smile.

They both sat there staring into each other's eyes with different levels of happiness and fear. Logan could his feel his heart starting up again. He strongly resisted the urge to lean forward. He wouldn't let himself be that selfish at a time like this. A boyfriend was the last thing Carlos needed or probably wanted. After all, on top of all the reasons why Logan couldn't be Carlos' boyfriend, the brunet was sure the other was straight. Logan frowned at the realization. What was he doing? He's acting like a selfish idiot. He shouldn't even be worrying about something like this right now. There were so many other things plaguing his mind, he didn't have room for something so trifling.

A tingling feeling spread through Logan's nose. He wasn't sure what the feeling was, but it was becoming more and more uncomfortable. His body was tensing of its own accord and the tingling feeling had now become a strong tickle. Before Logan could put together what was happening, his head leaned back and shot back forward as he released a loud sneeze, using his hands as a last minute shield to keep from spraying Carlos. Once the first sneeze came out, it was accompanied by two more in quick succession.

"Wow! Logie, are you okay?"

Logan looked up at Carlos as he felt the chills from before coming back to him.

"I think I'm sick," the brunet replied through his sniffles.

"That explains why you're so cold. Here, lay down in the bed. Maybe some sleep will make you feel better?"

At those words, a sudden heaviness seemed to rest on his shoulders. A nap was becoming more and more tempting as the seconds passed by. Carlos seemed to have read Logan's thought and pulled down the brunet so he was lying down in bed. Logan closed his eyes as he waited for Carlos to lay down next to him. But instead of the familiar warmth of having someone next to him, he felt the bed rise as the other got off. The brunet was saddened but refused to say something about it. He attempted to go to sleep, but he was too cold.

"Here, Logie," the Latino's words came from only an inch away from Logan's ear. Logan shuddered before turning around to see the Hispanic offering him a bottle of hand sanitizer. He smiled as he squeezed some onto his hands and rubbed his hands together. He lay back down and was happy to see that Carlos was getting comfortable right next to him. Without a word, the Hispanic scooted close to Logan so that his chest was touching the other's side and he draped his arm around Logan's waist. They were both surprised by this new position they found themselves in. Usually, Logan was the one holding Carlos close while he tried to sleep. Of course, neither of them minded their switched roles. In fact, they deemed the foreign position to be a welcomed change.

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><p><strong>So sorry about the length. But the bright side is that I know what's going to happen in the next chapter since it <strong>_**was**_** going to happen in this one. I'll **_**probably**_** have it done by next weekend. So there's not much to say other than I hope you liked this even if it was short and that "Silent Scream" is going to be updated soon too. Please review and tell me what you thought.**

** -Gohanrules out!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: **Yeah, this one is still pretty short, but at least it's longer than the last two chapters. And it's also very emotional. Nothing new, right? But yeah, it's definitely very important. I really enjoyed writing it and I hope you like it enough to review. On to the story!

**Warnings: **extreme angst, non-consensual sex, and language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Big Time Rush.

* * *

><p>The bedroom was <em>nearly<em> silent. The only sound was that of the second hand moving on the clock over Logan's bed. Carlos had never once noticed the contraption before. He wasn't sure why Logan even had the damn thing. There was a perfectly good, easy to read digital clock on the bedside table, one that doesn't incessantly tick every second just because it wants to keep you awake. Of course, Carlos wasn't positive that was the reason the clock was continuing on with that annoying ticking, but he was pretty sure nonetheless. He'd have to make sure to ask Logan later if he could put the thing on silent or something.

The fleeting thought of Logan seemed to have made a last minute U-turn before exiting the Latino's mind, something that tended to happen a lot lately. The brunet just seemed to be on his mind all the time lately. Over the past few weeks, Logan has become so much to Carlos. Not only was Logan the only person who knew of…

Carlos shook his head. No, no, no. This was happy time, not sad time. There was no need to let his mind drift there. Right now, it was all about Logan, his best friend, his brother, the closest person in his life. Don't get him wrong. Carlos adored his mami and papi, but even they were never as good at calming him down as Logan is. Even before _everything, _Logan had always been there with the occasional hand on the shoulder or the rare, lasting hug. After all, the pale teenager was the smart one, and anyone who knew Carlos knew that the Latino was a sensitive person; some might even say a baby, but not Logan. Logan just saw him as the innocent one of the group. And that's okay. Actually, it was more than okay, it was great! Carlos loved being treated like the youngest of Big Time Rush. It just simply let him get away with more things than he really should. Most people didn't know he was actually a few months older than Logan, the second oldest.

It was amazing to Carlos how fast things could change. Everyone still saw him as the same old, funny, goofy, and naïve Carlos. They just didn't know. No one but Logan, that is. But Logan could only do so much. He could feel it. He could feel it inside of him, growing rapidly. He hasn't been the same since. Sure, there have been moments spent with Logan in which he _almost_ forgot. But he didn't. He can't. It was as if his old self was drying out. Shrinking and cracking as it was left behind like a snake's old skin. As it dried, there was something new forming. Carlos wasn't sure what it was, but he was sure it wasn't good and that it was going to surface soon. What was it? Anger? Depression? Acceptance?

The short teen began to shake slightly. He was afraid of his future. What if he couldn't get better? What if even Logan couldn't help him in the long run? Forgetting said teen was lying in bed still in his arms, Carlos held onto the pale teen's midsection tighter and pushed his nose up against Logan's back. He breathed in deeply and exhaled. A small smile overtook his features. He wasn't exactly sure why, but he felt silly thinking about these things with Logan around. Maybe all he needed was some rest to ease his mind. Carlos slowly closed his eyelids as he allowed himself to be lured by Logan's intoxicating aroma. It took a couple of minutes, but his head was finally fully clear. He was almost asleep, he could feel it. But then…

_Tick._

_ Tick._

_ Tick._

Carlos would have yelled in aggravation if it weren't for the sleeping genius in his arms.

* * *

><p>"They only came out this morning for breakfast and it's already six."<p>

"Yeah, that is a little weird…"

"Well let's just check up on them. They've both been acting weird for some reason."

"Okay."

James and Kendall shot up off the couch and silently made their way over to Logan and Carlos' bedroom door. They knocked a couple times and waited for a reply. They were surprised when no sound was made on the other side. They were both positive that Carlos and Logan hadn't left their room. They tried again, this time a little harder. This time they heard a groan. The blond and tall brunet looked at each other quizzically and shrugged before James decided to push the door open and just walk in.

They froze at the sight in front of them. There on the bed lay their two very _male _best friends spooning each other under the sheets. Logan had a face of contentment as his signature soft little snores filled the room. Behind him was Carlos with his arms tightly wrapped around the genius' midsection. The Latino was gently nuzzling the other's neck and groaned again. Once again James and Kendall gave each other questioning looks.

The stirring Latino's eyelashes began to flutter. The first thing he noticed when he woke up was the slow rise and fall of Logan's body. He smiled lazily and softly placed his lips against Logan's nape. He let his lips settle there for a second and sighed. He just wanted to go back to sleep with Logan in his arms. The raven-haired teen was close to doing just that, but he was quickly pulled out of his nirvana-like state by a strange feeling in his gut. He felt like he was being watched. His arms began to shake and he hid his whole face against Logan's back. He was too afraid to look up. He fought the urge to wake Logan to protect him. There was probably no one in the room with them. It was most likely just Carlos' unstable imagination.

Although the genius was fast asleep, it seemed Logan still had a knack for detecting whenever Carlos was distraught. He shifted uneasily in bed for a few short seconds before managing to turn around while still being held tightly in Carlos' arms. He wrapped his own, slightly thicker arms around the Hispanic and hugged him closely. A few unintelligible words escaped his mouth before he went back to his snoring.

"Should we leave?" James announced with a raised eyebrow at the display that had just occurred in front of him.

Carlos jumped noticeably at the brunet's unexpected voice. He snapped his head up with wide eyes. He was relieved to see it was just James and Kendall standing over him, but his heart was still beating fiercely against his chest. He opened his mouth to speak, but he was knocked out of breath for no reason. The resulting sound was a choked out cough. Kendall raised an eyebrow.

"So…"

"W-what are you guys doing here?" Carlos asked, his voice small yet not tiny. It was a pathetic accomplishment, but one nonetheless. Logan being in his arms and snoring peacefully into his neck probably had a lot to do with his sudden "bravery".

"We just came to check up on you guys. You've been really quiet the whole, but now we know why."

Carlos looked away from the two and nodded slowly as to not wake Logan. The room acquired an awkward aura as a silence overshadowed them. It was a rare oddity amongst them, the dreadful awkward silence. They were all such close friends that these things barely ever happened to them. But none of them were surprised. It seemed things have been changing a lot lately.

"Have you guys been sleeping together this whole time?" James asked curiously.

Carlos' eyes widened immensely and his cheeks began to burn with a passion he'd never felt before. His mouth opened and closed, releasing small squeaks and uncomfortable whimpers. James looked at Carlos confused, but Kendall had to cover his mouth to hide the laughs threatening to spill through. He released his own squeak, but his was due to trying to catch a persistent giggle from travelling through his lips.

"Not like that, Carlos. I think James just wants to know how long you guys have been sleeping on the same bed."

The towering teen thought about what Kendall had just said. The point of recognition was clear to the other two people in the room because James' mouth gaped open and his cheeks began to blush. Of course, he was certainly better at hiding it than Carlos was who was still on the bed, seeming to be trying to hide his embarrassment in Logan's hair.

"That is _not_ what I meant! I know you and Logan weren't- I mean if you were I wouldn't- I just wanted to-"

Kendall slapped his hand over James' mouth and rolled his eyes.

"Have you guys been sleeping in the same bed lately, Carlos? Not that there's a problem with that or anything."

"Yes," Carlos said, refusing to look at the two. His voice was slightly higher because of his flushed state, and the tone of his voice was somewhat ashamed. He wasn't exactly sure how Logan hadn't awoken through this whole deal. The Hispanic was visibly shaking to the point where even Logan was trembling a little.

"Since that day Kendall and I brought breakfast for you guys?"

Carlos remembered the day well. James may have asked the question in those words, but what he was really asking was "since the night you went out". The memories came flooding back to him at that very second. The man, his long blond hair, the rain washing away his tears, the thunder sounding over his yells. Those cold, piercing blue eyes, the hard ground against his unclothed back, the shadows dancing around him, taunting him cruelly, these memories were all too much. He couldn't stop them, they were coming too fast. Carlos wasn't sure what to do. He's never been hit this badly with them before. He was starting to panic and he knew it. His breathing was becoming deeper and less regular. His chest was burning.

_"Shut the fuck up."_

That voice…it was him. The tears finally made their appearance and Carlos' breath deepened profusely. He gathered Logan in a near death grip, clawing at his back distractedly. The pain instantly woke Logan with a grimace.

"Ah! Carlos, what are you doing? That hurts!"

_"I'm going to have a lot of fun with you…"_

"Logan, what's going on?" Kendall asked, his strong voice shaking with worry.

Logan turned his attention to the two others in the room and opened his mouth, but was interrupted by James.

"I knew you weren't telling us something! _This_ doesn't happen from getting jumped, Logan! What haven't you told us?"

"I-I-"

_"Perfect. No distractions…"_

The Latino's eyes glossed over at those last words. Those were the last words he said before what happened. Carlos' sobbing stopped, his tears falling silently as his fingers dug deeper into Logan's flesh. The pale teen swallowed the cry of pain and looked worriedly into Carlos' empty brown eyes. Logan's face was only inches away from Carlos, but to Carlos it might as well have been miles.

"C-Carlos? Carlos, are you okay? Carlos, please stop? Carlitos, you're scaring me," Logan kept repeating the Hispanic's name as if that would pull him out of his weird trance. But nothing. Just…silence. Logan raised a hand to Carlos' cheek and dried the other's tears with his thumb just as he felt his own dam of defense break.

"Carlitos, stop it!" Logan yelled brokenly.

* * *

><p><em>"Don't worry, baby. Something tells me this won't be our last time seeing each other," the man chuckled as he supported his body off of Carlos and harshly pulled out. The Latino only cringed slightly, his lower body being somewhat numb. The Latino focused on the cloudy sky above as he heard a rustle of clothes. The rain was getting into his eyes but he didn't really mind it. Another chuckle. Carlos didn't bother looking at the person laughing.<em>

_ "You stopped your screaming a few minutes ago. Was I that good?"_

_ That got a small reaction out of Carlos, though it was a mere furrowing of his eyebrows at the idea. He didn't have much time to think about it because the man grunted and dropped down to his knees. Carlos could feel the other's hot breath in his face. A quick flash of lightning revealed him to be face to face. The man was glaring at him angrily and Carlos' body began to react with fear._

_ "I want you to scream."_

_ But Carlos remained silent. _

_ "Scream!"_

_ Not a chance._

_ "Scream, damn it!"_

* * *

><p>"AAAAH!" Carlos yelled so suddenly that it made everyone in the room jump. His mouth was opened as wide as possible as he thrashed his body around wildly, Logan still in his hold. The genius brunet was writhing in pain as Carlos squeezed the breath out of him while still screaming.<p>

"Stop, Carlos, it hurts! I can't breathe!"

But there was no reaction from Carlos other than to keep screaming and thrashing and squeeze impossibly harder. That was the queue for James and Kendall to intervene. They ran up to the two on the bed and took a hold of Carlos' arms. They each pulled on an arm and were surprised to see that it took all their strength to move it the smallest inch away from Logan. Luckily that was all it needed for the brunet to get free and push himself away. His hand went to his back and he coiled in pain while grinding his teeth. He looked to the side and saw James and Kendall barely managing to hold Carlos down as the Latino's continued with his endless scream. Logan ignored his own pain and crawled over to Carlos. He took a hold of the Latino's face with both hands and leaned down to connect their foreheads. The position brought more pain to Logan, but he ignored it to focus on the short teen.

"Shush, calm down, sh. It's okay, sh…"

Carlos' ongoing yell began to diminish. The others were immensely relieved when the Latino finally quieted down. The screaming stopped but they were quick to notice the unnaturally heavy breaths coming from Carlos. James and Kendall released Carlos arms now that he wasn't freaking out and they flew up to hold Logan's over his face. The Latino looked up into Logan's scared eyes as his chest rose and fell dramatically. His chest still burned and it was only getting worse the harder he attempted to fill his lungs. Their brown eyes remained connected even as Carlos' vision became black around the edges. His eyelids became heavier as his breathing continued to get deeper. Before the Hispanic could even see it coming, he fainted.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay so there was my super fun to write chapter. I hope it was at least kind of fun to read too. Things are finally starting to get good. Trust me, if you think it's been good up until now, wait till you see what I have I store! Oh, and "Silent Scream" readers, I have the damn chapter written but it won't upload! So give me some time to figure something out! I promise to try to find a solution to my problem! Anyway, please review!<strong>

** -Gohanrules out!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: **Yeah, I'm not dead! This was supposed to go up a week and a half ago, sorry. I've just been super distracted by family stuff. But the good news is that things are starting to get back to normal. I really loved the beginning of this chapter, but I'm not too sure about the second half. I will tell you this: this chapter is CRUCIAL! BIG STUFF HAPPENS! Anyway, enjoy!

**Warnings: **extreme angst, non-consensual sex, and language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Big Time Rush.

* * *

><p>Carlos opened his eyes with a loud gasp. His face was etched in shock as he struggled to regain his breath for some reason. It didn't take too long for the Latino to compose himself and recover his normal breathing pattern. His eyes shot around him at a panicked speed as he tried to figure out where he was. It seemed to be a vain effort; Carlos could barely see a foot in front of him due to the murky darkness he was shrouded in. This wasn't good. He needed to figure out where he was or something bad could happen. The teenager instinctively felt for his phone in his pockets, but they were empty. Why were they empty? Carlos <em>always<em> carried around his phone, no matter what.

There was a small noise behind him. The short boy spun on his heel quickly at the sound. His eyes widened at the sight. Carlos could barely see the ground, but he was sure there were two people lying on it. It looked as if one of them was over the other, but he wasn't sure. Though, they both seemed to be moving a lot. Suddenly, a light was shone over the two figures out of thin air. Carlos tripped backwards at what the beam revealed. He saw himself, lying shirtless and flailing as a man held him down and kissed up and down his chest. He didn't recognize the man, but his blond hair seemed somewhat familiar. Carlos was seriously freaked out by what was happening.

"Ngn, stop, please!" the overpowered Latino on the floor yelled. As the helpless teen shut his eyes fearfully, the shocked doppelganger's soft brown eyes widened. His mouth opened and he hesitated to make a sound. Carlos watched in horror as the image of himself continued to thrash desperately on the floor, yet his efforts seemed to be in vain as the stronger, blond man's hand took a quick swipe across his face.

"Shut up!" the man yelled as his right hand reached down to pull down the long metal zipper on his pants. The slow, offending sound made Carlos, both of them, cringe visibly cringe. They watched as the blond man clumsily shifted his weight from one knee to the other as he fought to wriggle out of his worn-out jeans. A dry, humorless laugh was released once he was finally out of his clothing and he was once again over the small and scared Hispanic. The kissing once again continued at a much more frantic pace. Both of the Carlos' eyes connected in an eerie contact.

"Help me!"

"I can't!" Carlos closed his eyes in hopes of shutting out the confusing world around him and his body coiled up on the ground.

"Why not?" the distressed voice reached Carlos' ears. He shook his head as tears seeped from under his closed eyelids. He emitted a small, involuntary whimper.

"Help me, please!"

"I can't!"

"Why not?"

"Shut up! It's too late!"

Carlos was expecting another comeback issued in his own voice, but it never came. Regardless, he was too afraid to open his eyes and look for himself what was happening around him. So he laid there, his arms and knees protectively covering his face as he trembled.

"Help me!"

Carlos' eyes shot open and he sat up straight without delay. He searched for the owner of the voice, his mind going blank as he was met again by nothing but blackness.

"Shut up!"

A cold shiver ran down his spine at the return of the blond man's voice. Carlos ignored it as he frantically sought out the owner of the first voice. He spun around several times, still seeing nothing but empty darkness.

"Help me!" it came again.

Carlos turned around at the yell to witness the same scene from before taking place, only this time, instead of himself being attacked, it was a shaking Logan. The spiky-haired brunet was frozen in fear as he sadly looked over the blond locks of the man kissing his bare chest.

"No! Logan!" Carlos yelled angrily.

The man and Logan went on as if Carlos' voice hadn't reached them. The Latino's face broke into pure agonistic fear for the minutest second before it changed back into an expression of seething rage.

"Stop it!" he yelled again as he ran closer to the pair. Just when he was only a few feet away from saving Logan, the Latino ran face first into something. He grunted in pain and rubbed his forehead with one hand. The other went up to tentatively reach forward. He was marveled by the invisible solidity he made contact with. The Latino's eyes widened as he caught sight of the man reaching down for his zipper.

"Leave him alone! He didn't do anything!" he banged on the unseen wall furiously.

A low, hollow thud resounded and Carlos could feel the shake of the wall under the force of his fists. It was as if the occurrences in front of him were happening in slow-motion. The blond's hand seemed to be creeping closer and closer to his crotch at a turtle-like speed. Carlos could feel his heart dropping with every passing second. The look on Logan's face, eyes shut tight and jaw clenched, was almost enough to make Carlos drop dead on the spot.

"Stop, please! Not, Logie, please!"

The Hispanic's cries were becoming less angry and more desperate. Sill the man moved at an agonizing pace. Still the wall stayed sturdy.

"T-Take m-me! Just l-l-leave hi-him!"

As soon as the words left his mouth, the leisurely world Carlos was plunged into was gone. And everything began to happen at a much faster pace. The zipper was down. The pants were being tugged down. They were at his thighs. His knees.

"I won't let you do this, again! Not Logie! Not to me! You can't!" Carlos shrieked as loud as his shaky voice allowed. The yell was accompanied with several bangs of his fist against the unperceivable barrier. A loud _crack_ sounded at the third hit. On the fourth hit, Carlos could feel his hands going through the wall. Although the Latino couldn't see it, he could definitely hear the sound of what seemed to be shards of glass crashing against the undetectable ground. He was dumbfounded by the strangely relaxing sound. In fact, Carlos' whole body seemed to be experiencing a rush of relief. The teen couldn't help the wide grin as his eyes fluttered shut. A small chuckle sounded from him as happiness began to stir throughout his body. It felt so nice to be free.

The tan raven felt a light pressure on his hips. His grin dropped as he opened his eyes. He almost jumped as he came in contact with a pair of dark, brown eyes. Except… the Latino knew this particularly shade of brown _very _well. Logan didn't show any sign that he was previously on the ground shaking and crying. No, the pale teen was practically glowing with happiness as a smile split his face. Carlos could feel the smile returning to his face. Logan always seemed to have that effect on him.

The Latino raised his arms up around the taller teenager's neck tentatively. He carefully gauged Logan's face for any sign of discomfort, yet no said sign came. Instead, the brunet's smile grew impossibly larger before he chuckled.

"Why are you so scared?"

The question caught Carlos off guard.

"Scared of what?"

"Of everything…and everyone."

It was a good question. Why was he afraid? What was he afraid of? Was he still afraid? Carlos sighed and frowned up at Logan.

"I don't know…I just…I'm sorry."

Logan leaned forward slightly, just enough for his forehead to be touching Carlos'. The Latino felt his heart speeding up and his face growing warm. With every exhale of air, they were able to feel the other's breath on their face.

"You don't have to be afraid," Logan whispered, his lips centimeters away from Carlos'.

"Will you protect me?" Carlos shivered, from fear or anxiousness he wasn't sure.

"Always. What about you? Will _you _protect _me_?"

"I-I don't-"

"You're the strongest person I know. I always feel safe with you," Logan interrupted.

"Then I'll protect you too, I promise."

* * *

><p>"-st add the sugar into it."<p>

"No, it's gross!"

Carlos felt the need to groan. His head was throbbing in pain. The loud voiced around him weren't exactly helping either.

"It's just sugar. If the coffee is too strong, just add it in."

"But it's not even sugar, its sweetener!"

"James, just stop complaining and drink the coffee! You were the one who wanted it in the first place!"

"Fine, I'll drink this nasty mud water, but you owe me!"

Carlos' patience was beginning to wear thin as the voices of whom he now grasped to be James and Kendall began to escalate. He attempted to open his eyes, but his eyelids felt so heavy.

"I don't owe you anything! You asked me to buy you the damn coffee! We're not even staying here long!"

"I was tired!"

"It's seven o'clock!"

Carlos frustration was beginning to override his exhaustion. He wasn't sure where he was, but he could feel the bed under him, and it was very comfortable. He just felt like sleeping a little longer.

"You're a bully, you know that?"

"And you're a whiny, little bi-"

"Shut the hell up! Can't you guys just go five minutes without arguing?" Carlos yelled as he shot up in the bed.

Kendall and James froze in their spots at the end of the bed. They both stared at Carlos with curious wide eyes, James with a steaming cup of what Carlos assumed to be coffee in his hand. The three of them remained silent for a second before James finally spoke up.

"Carlos, you're awake!" he said enthusiastically.

Kendall rolled his eyes unimpressed.

"Duh…"

James' relieved expression turned sour and he opened his mouth to retort, but Carlos spoke up to keep another argument from sparking.

"Where am I?"

Kendall and James turned their attention from each other to Carlos. They both gave their friend sympathetic looks.

"We're at the hospital. You got a little…rowdy and we had to bring you here. You really scared us 'Litos."

Carlos was dumbstruck. The hospital? What happened? Why didn't he remember? There must be _something_ that they weren't telling him. Carlos did a quick check-up. Ten fingers, ten toes. He looked down at his body and lifted the thin blue sheet that was covering his legs. He was still wearing his jeans and t-shirt. The Latino reached a hand down and gave his crotch a quick pat. He exhaled, relieved. Everything was still where it was supposed to be.

"Seriously? Don't worry, all your extremities are right where they're supposed to be," James chuckled, Kendall joining in. Carlos blushed furiously and scowled at the other two. Then a thought suddenly came to him.

"Where's Logan?"

It was a simple question, but the tall blond and brunet immediately quieted down. They shared identical nervous looks as they stared down their Hispanic friend. Carlos frowned. What were they not telling him? Was Logan okay? Is that why they were at the hospital? Was the brunet genius hurt? Oh, god, Logan!

Just then, the door to the tiny, bland hospital room creaked open. All eyes were on the thick wood as it angled closer. Soon enough, a brown head of hair popped in trough the crack. Logan gave a curious peek into the room and his eyes landed on Carlos. His brown irises brightened instantly and he pushed the door open the rest of the way before practically running over to the shorter teenager.

"Logie, are you okay? Are you sick? Did you get hurt?" Carlos asked worriedly.

Everyone's jaws dropped.

"What?"

"They won't tell me what happened? Did something happen? Why are we in the hospital? Are you hurt?" Carlos was obviously beginning to freak out. Logan was afraid the raven haired teenager was going to have another panic attack. He placed both of his hands on the other's shoulders and smiled.

"Carlos, calm down, please. I'm fine, honestly. We didn't come to the hospital because I'm hurt. We came because you had a panic attack."

"A panic attack?"

"Yeah. Kendall and James came into the bedroom when we were sleeping and you woke up to them just watching us. I guess you just sort of…freaked out," Logan supplied weakly.

Carlos turned his attention to his other two friends. They were both looking at him expectantly. The Latino's eyebrows furrowed and he snapped his head towards Logan desperately. The brunet bit his lip helplessly. He could feel his eyes watering as the thought hit him.

_'This is it. I can't hide it any longer.'_

Carlos tried to hold himself together. He didn't have to so overdramatic about everything. He didn't have to let _everything _get to him. He can't expect Logan to help him up every time he falls. A silent tear rolled down his cheek. He can't do this. They couldn't know. It was enough that Logan knew, Logan was all he needed to get better. A shiver ran up Carlos' spine as something feathery touched his cheek. His eyes refocused to notice Logan brushing his fingertips against his face. The pale teen shot him a supportive glance.

_"Don't be afraid."_

_ "Will you protect me?"_

_ "Always…"_

Carlos quickly wiped his tears away and nodded at Logan. He pulled the other's hand away from his face and held on to it tightly. Logan squeezed, showing he was there for support. Carlos took a deep breath to calm his nerves, but it seemed to be in vain; his heart was still pumping a mile a minute. He looked back up to Logan apologetically.

"Can…can you…"

Somehow the brunet knew what the Latino needed and wrapped his arms around his smaller body. He protectively pressed Carlos' head against his chest and hushed him softly.

"It's okay. I promise everything will be okay. You just have to trust me."

Carlos seemed to melt in the other's arms. It was amazing to him how something as simple as Logan's unique scent was able to relax him so easily. He just now realized that if he truly did have a panic attack, it must have been really bad if not even Logan was able to settle him.

Kendall and James remained quiet, taking advantage of the situation to study the way their two friends communicated. They seemed to be a lot closer than they were weeks ago. Perhaps one could even describe them as inseparable, closer than brothers even. Weird.

"Can you guys promise me something before I tell you this?" Carlos' voice sounded muffled through Logan's shirt.

Kendall and James perked up at the statement. Finally they were going to find out what was going on.

"Of course."

"Anything."

"Don't be mad at Logan. He only did everything I told him to. If it weren't for him…" Carlos couldn't continue that sentence.

Logan sighed. He had anticipated the same thing as Carlos. But he knew for a fact that no promise would save him from his two best friends' wrath. Yet, James and Kendall eagerly nodded their heads, just wanting Carlos to finally come out with it. There was a stale silence in the room. Multiple voices could be heard from somewhere outside the room. After a long minute of wait, Carlos' voice once again reached everyone's ears.

"I feel …filthy every time I think about it, like if his hands were all over me again."

Kendall and James' hearts dropped.

_'No. No, God please, no.'_

"I've already caused enough trouble. You guys have all been worrying about me and I kept lying to you. I even sucked Logie into my mess. I'm sorry for being a bad friend. I'd completely understand if you left right now."

Logan gasped softly at Carlos' words. He felt a dull pain in his chest. Did Carlos really think they would just leave like that? Was he insane? There was no way in hell he would leave him to deal with all his demons by himself. Only a selfish asshole would do that to someone they care so much about. And Logan cared so much for Carlos, probably more than he'd ever admit out loud.

"Carlos, were you jumped that night you went out?" Kendall asked fearfully while looking down at his shoes. His face showed no sign of hope, no sign of doubt. It was obvious to him what happened. He just needed to hear it for himself. Just to be sure.

"No."

"What happened, Carlos?"

"I-I-I w-was r-r-r-r-"

Logan was the only one in the room that was fully aware of just how difficult it was for the vulnerable Latino to say it. Never once did either he or Carlos verbally say it. Both were too afraid of what the word might do. They feared that once the word was spoken, there would be no turning back. But that was already the case, wasn't it? They couldn't change things.

"You don't have to say it, Carlitos. They know, they know," Logan hushed gently as he ran his fingers through black tufts of hair. Carlos whimpered loudly in Logan's arms.

_'They know, they know, they know, they know…'_

The words sped through his mind as he rocked in Logan's arm. Disgusting, that's what they'll think. Weakling, coward, sicko. All of those and more. His two best friends, his _brothers_ were going to leave him. He takes it all back! He can't do this! Not without James and Kendall. Not without all his friends.

"Carlos…"

"I know. I'm sorry," Carlos muttered, not bothering to spare a glance up.

"Carlos, no. Don't apologi-"

"Just…don't be mad, please! I'm sorry! I tried o get away but he wouldn't let go, I swear!"

"Carlos, listen to them," Logan whispered, his lips a mere inch away from Carlos' ear.

"Carlos, I- we didn't know. We're sorry. We should have known. The way you've been acting around us…oh god, we're so sorry," James cried. His face was wet with tears as his hands pulled at his usually perfect brown locks, a habit that the others have only seen on a couple occasions.

The black haired Hispanic pulled away from Logan to get a look at James. The tall brunet was avoiding eye contact, but Carlos knew it wasn't due to disgust or resentment. Behind James, Kendall was pacing back and forth quickly with his hands clasped behind his back. The blond was thinking something up. His face was hard and stone-like. That was definitely new. Carlos wondered what it was his thick-eyebrowed friend was scheming. Carlos grinned widely despite himself. He couldn't help it. He was just so relieved. They know…they know and they're still here. Carlos laughed when he felt the wetness on his cheeks.

James looked up from the floor with a raised eyebrow. Why was the other laughing? Even Kendall froze in his tracks to glimpse at the teenager on the bed. Logan was so happy for Carlos; he couldn't help but laugh as well. Carlos looked up at the brunet holding him with ecstatic eyes and the same goofy grin. Despite the inappropriateness for the moment, Logan couldn't help but notice how adorable Carlos looked. He placed a hand on the back of Carlos' head and pulled him against his chest. Carlos closed his eyes and relaxed. Logan reached down and put his lips to the top of head of soft, black hair, giving the shorter a dragged out kiss without thinking about it.

James dried his eyes and watched on. He stared speechless at the pair. His face was etched into one of pure confusion and curiosity. Behind him, Kendall was smiling sadly at them. He shook his head before silently walking out of the room.

* * *

><p><strong>Huge, right? They finally know! And it only took 30,000 words! And while we're on the topic of waiting…those of you waiting for the <strong>_**real**_** Cargan goodness: I only have one thing to say…*wink* *wink* So please review and tell me what you thought about this LONG awaited chapter. Por favor?**

** -Gohanrules out!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: **Not going to talk because I'm excited for you to read this. I'll let you decide if it's good or not, but I _do_ know this chapter is huge!

**Warnings: **

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Big Time Rush.

* * *

><p>Despite himself, Carlos was still smiling. It seemed the Latino was incapable of anything other than showing just how overwhelmingly <em>happy <em>he was. It was such a drastic change for him. He felt free in a way. He couldn't explain it, but he just knew that something had happened between the time he had his supposed panic attack and the time he left the hospital. The boy had his suspicions about that dream having to do with it, but he knew Kendall and James'…awareness of everything was part of it too. Carlos can't believe this. He would have never thought he'd be able to feel like this again. The situation was just so familiarly comfortable.

They were all quietly sitting in the car, Kendall driving the home from the hospital as the radio softly played some mainstream song for the millionth time. The blond of the group never looked away from the stretch of road in front of him. He seemed to be focusing on other things at the time, but Carlos barely noticed. James was in the passenger seat. Unlike the teenager next to him, the pretty-faced brunet's gaze seemed to be roaming everywhere. His hazel eyes couldn't seem to settle on a worthy target of attention. If Carlos wasn't mistaken, the brunet has opened his mouth a couple of times as if to say something, but then closed it back up and looked away. He assumed the other had questions to ask, questions he knew he wouldn't want to answer. Yet not even that could lull Carlos away from his high spirits. A low chuckle caught Carlos' attention. He quirked an eyebrow and turned his head to the smiling brunet next to him. He found himself blushing as images of the dream from earlier came into his head. Logan's gentle yet firm grip on his slim waist and his own arms wrapped around the pale teen's smooth neck. Carlos looked down at the miniscule space between his and Logan' legs as he felt the blush deepen.

"Why are you laughing?" Carlos whispered, his voice lost behind the tiresome hip-hop tune filling the car. Logan's smile widened just the tiniest amount. His hand raised and he extended his index finger to poke Carlos soft cheek, causing the Hispanic to giggle cutely.

"You're just too much sometimes."

Carlos scooted closer and once again quirked his eyebrow to show his confusion.

"Too much what?" he leaned his head to the side slightly.

Logan bit his lip.

"Nevermind," he mumbled before looking away, out the window.

Carlos pouted to himself. What was that about? Was Logan thinking about something too? He hoped not. He understood that Kendall and James were probably still freaking out about everything, but he honestly didn't know why Logan would be. Nothing new has happened, has there? Plus, the Latino was well aware of how temporary this mood he was in was. He'll be back to his quiet, scared, lonely, and pessimistic new old self again in no time; which is exactly why he didn't want to be dragged their sooner by everyone else's feelings. He wanted to do something fun while he still could.

"Kendall?"

The blond's green eyes met the raven's brown ones through the rearview mirror questioningly. Carlos fidgeted nervously.

"Do you think maybe we could go somewhere other than home?"

Logan's attention was grabbed by the simple question. Carlos wanted to go out? This was amazing! Even he had barely been able to get the Latino to come down to the lobby once or twice, but never had the shorter teenager actually _wanted_ to be out of their apartment. Logan grinned goofily.

"Uh…I don't know, Carlos. I mean, with everything that's been going on, do you really th-"

"Its fine, Kendall. Let's just go to the mall or something. I'm sure Carlos is fine. Right, Carlos?" Logan looked to the Latino for some support and he received it in the form of an excited nod. The two waited for the blond's answer for a minute.

"Fine," Kendall sighed.

"Yes!" Carlos yelled as he pumped his hands in the air. He yelped in pain as his wrists hit the ceiling of the car. Logan frowned and cradled the Latino's hands. His eyes searched for any signs of bruising, but he didn't find any. He smiled up at Carlos and shook his head.

"You'll be fine, Carlitos."

Carlos' face flushed. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again and just nodded before pulling his hands away.

* * *

><p>Carlos was highly regretting his idea to go out. He wasn't thinking. Just because he was finally comfortable around Kendall and James, his two best friends, didn't mean he'd be alright with all these strangers around him. They were currently walking around the mall. Carlos and Logan were a few feet ahead of James and Carlos. Every time Carlos would turn back, the two were whispering something to each other. But Carlos was too busy hanging off of Logan's arm to care about what they were talking about. It was a Saturday; of course the mall would be crawling with teens and young adults.<p>

Logan wasn't bothered by the cute, little Latino pressing up against his side at all. He was definitely used to this by now. He was just happy that Carlos was surrounded by people and not completely freaking out. And although his heart stopped for two separate reasons whenever Carlos would emit a scared whimper because someone got too close, Logan knew it would be alright. He knew Carlos would overcome this social phobia. That's what kept Logan strong: the hope he had for Carlos.

"Hey, Carlos?"

The Latino looked up curiously, but Logan could detect the smallest hint of anxiety.

"Yeah?" he asked uneasily.

"Do you want to maybe go to the food court and get something to eat?"

Logan's breath caught in his throat at the way Carlos' eyes brightened immensely. It was the first time in _weeks _that Carlos had given that childish grin to anyone. And Logan was so happy it was for him. _God_, he was so happy it was for him. The pale teen just wanted to lean forward and connect their lips in a sweet and gentle kiss.

"Can I get something from that Chinese food place?" Carlos asked hopefully.

"Why are you asking me?"

Carlos' grin faltered as he scratched the back of his head with the hand that wasn't latched onto Logan.

"U-Uh, I kind of don't have my wallet because…well…yeah…," Carlos looked away blushing.

"Oh, duh!" Logan hit his forehead for being so dense. Of course Carlos wouldn't have any money on him. It's not like he was planning on going out. "Don't worry, Carlitos, I brought more than enough money."

"Thanks, Logie."

Logan waved his hand dismissively before glancing backwards at James and Kendall. The two have been silent since the hospital. Logan knew first-hand the things that were going through their heads. He felt guilty for keeping information from them, but he promised Carlos. Still, the two were probably angry beyond belief.

"Hey guys, Carlos and I are going to the food court. You want to come along?" the brunet couldn't meet their eyes as he spoke.

"Sure, let's go," Kendall said.

The four walked together toward the mall's large food court. Surprisingly, it wasn't as crowded as one would expect. Then again, it was getting pretty late. Most people eating at this time would be doing so in the comfort of their own home. Carlos and Logan separated from the other two and slowly made their way to the area they believed sold Chinese food. As they got closer, Logan couldn't help but wonder why Carlos was still latching on. He peeked down, but the Latino wasn't wearing that familiar mask of apprehension. They reached the counter of the Chinese food place and there was a short blonde girl smiling brightly at them.

"Hello, welcome to Zen Garden. What would you like to order?"

"Uuh…," Logan replied dumbly as he stared up at the menu above the employee while his mouth hung wide open.

"Can I have an order of vegetable fired rice with orange chicken?" Carlos replied immediately. Logan's jaw closed and he looked between the girl and Carlos before looking back up at the menu.

"Uuh…"

"I don't think that's on the menu, Logie."

The blonde girl giggled softly at Carlos' comment and the dark blush on Logan's cheeks.

"P-pork fried rice and…sesame chicken, please."

"Alright. Your total will be…fifteen seventy-four."

Logan quickly paid the girl and pocketed his change. The girl, "Mandy" Logan believed her name tag read, began serving their food behind the glass panel onto a pair of paper plates. She looked up from serving rice and grinned amusedly at them.

"How long have you two been dating? You make a cute couple," she commented.

"Wh-what?"

"Did I say something wrong?"

"W-we're not d-dating."

Logan's heart dropped as the Latino pulled off of him slowly as he said that. He frowned down at the area between his feet as he nodded his head. He was setting himself up for that one. _This _is exactly why he needed to forget about his inappropriate crush on Carlos. It wasn't the right time for an infatuation, not with everything that Carlos is going through. Besides, Carlos wouldn't even be interested in a guy like him. Hell, he wouldn't even be interested in a _guy_.

Mandy finished plating the food and placed it on a tray before handing it over to Logan.

"Oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing! Me and my big mouth! Are you guys even gay?"

Logan cleared his throat awkwardly and blushed. He was about to answer with a half-hearted "no", but was silenced by the Latino's quicker reply.

"I am…"

Logan's head had never moved so fast in his whole life. He ignored the painful _crack_ his neck made and stared at Carlos curiously. The Hispanic was looking away, but the pale teen could tell the other was biting his bottom lip harshly, a gesture Logan automatically tied to nervousness. Regardless, the genius was frozen in place. He was completely unaware of the rapturous look he was sporting. He wasn't even aware of the way Carlos' large brown eyes kept darting to him unsurely. And they were both unaware of the knowing smile the blonde worker was giving them. She laughed to herself and leaned over the counter on her elbow semi-expectantly.

There was an uncomfortable tone in the air as the inquisitive employee and uneasy raven-haired male waited for a response from the oblivious Logan. Carlos breathed deeply and swiveled on his heel.

"L-let's just go Logi-Logan," he corrected himself as he began a fast pace to a remote table where he could see James and Kendall seated. Logan worried his lip. What happened? Damn, he was stupid. What the hell did he do _now_? Without another look back at the girl working the counter, Logan jogged over behind Carlos. He slowed his gait as he reached the Latino.

"Carlitos, wha-"

"Aah!" Carlos screamed loudly as he jumped away from Logan, the tray of food in his hands barely surviving the hop.

"Carlos, I'm so sorry! I forgot, I didn't mean to scare you," Logan apologized guiltily. The moisture in the short teen's eyes was evident. The soft toned brown irises grazed the entirety of the food court fearfully. Logan's own vision followed the Latino's and he noticed the little amount of people that were in the food court all had their eyes set on Carlos and Logan. The spiky-haired teen found himself glaring down everyone. Carlos emitted a small whimper. Habitually, he sidestepped closer to Logan so that the front of his shoulder was against the back of Logan's. He froze. Logan felt it.

"Carlos?"

_SLAM!_

Logan jumped high in surprise at the sound of Carlos' tray crashing against the floor.  
>The brunet swiveled on his heels and spotted Carlos' quickly retreating form across the food court near where Logan knew the bathrooms were.<p>

"Carlos, stop!" he yelled loudly, completely ignoring the dirty looks he was receiving from everyone within earshot. Luckily, James and Kendall seemed to have heard the yell as well. They both appeared behind Logan in no time.

"Logan, what's wrong? Where's Carlos?" James asked frantically.

Kendall and James gasped when Logan turned around to look them in the eyes. The brunet's features were radiating pure grief. Logan felt his bottom lip quiver for a second, but he bit down harshly on the trembling flesh as he spoke.

"I don't know," he whimpered weakly.

The two taller males frowned sadly at the response. The lithe blond freed Logan of the food he was still holding.

"You go talk to him, Logan. He's probably in the bathroom."

Logan nodded before running in the direction Carlos went. As his feet stomped on the floor, his chest became tighter and tighter. Soon enough, Logan reached the door to the men's bathroom. His hand hovered in front of the door timidly. Oh god, what if Carlos didn't want to see him? What if Carlos was afraid of him? Oh, please not _that_. If Carlos was afraid of Logan…Logan would just break.

The young genius sniffled quietly, feeling the tears he's successfully been hiding for so long start to come out. He didn't even bother wiping away the wet streaks on his cheeks. He just sniffled once again as he pushed the heavy door open and walked in. The lighting in the bathroom was a little different from the rest of the mall. It seemed a little bit more…hazy. Logan glanced upward and noticed the smoggy, smudged lights on the ceiling. He resisted the urge to cringe at the gross, unknown grime in the areas between the tiles of the floor. He looked around the bathroom. It wasn't very big, but he couldn't see Carlos. He took a step forward, ready to open the first stall, and the toe of his shoe scuffed the tile floor, resulting in a loud squeak. A loud gasp sounded from the end of the bathroom. Logan's eyes widened. He walked over to the last stall and slammed it open. Carlos pulled his face away from his knees. His eyes were glowing with fear and bright with tears.

"Carlos…"

Logan painfully dropped down to the floor on his knees and gently held Carlos' face with both hands. A small tear travelled down his smooth cheek and his bottom lip quaked, this time too dramatically to stop with a bite. Carlos opened his mouth to speak.

"Don't you _ever_ do that again! _Ever! _Not after what already happened at home!"

For once, Logan's voice was uncharacteristically forceful, but the strong tone of voice quickly dissolved in the brunet's fear. Logan leaned forward and dropped his head to the crook of Carlos' warm neck, but his hands never left the other's cheeks. The Hispanic placed a trembling hand over one of Logan's hands and the other went to the back of Logan's head, beginning to softly massage the small amount of hair on the back of the brunet's neck. Carlos' own tears continued to fall and he couldn't help but to release his own little sounds here and there, but Logan was shaking immensely. He wasn't just shivering, he was full on shaking. Carlos was so confused. He was worried. He was scared.

"Logan, I-"

"_Never! _Don't _ever _do that again! What if I couldn't find you?" Logan yelled into Carlos' neck. The Latino flinched, but for once, Logan didn't care. He just wanted to get his point across to Carlos. Carlos' eyebrows furrowed and he sobbed.

"Logi- I mean, Loga-"

"No!" Logan yelled as he stood up abruptly. He hooked his arms under the bend of Carlos' knees and picked the Hispanic up before taking his seat on the top of the toilet lid, unceremoniously dropping the Hispanic on his lap and hugging his waist tightly.

"I'm not Logan. I'm _Logie_…and you're Carlitos," Logan whispered into Carlos' back.

Carlos' heart shattered at the words. His eyes widened in surprise. His tan hands rubbed up and down the pale teen's arms over his waist.

"_Logie_…"

"I'm _always_ Logie."

With some difficulty, Carlos was able to crane his upper body back. Logan didn't have another choice but to pull away, revealing his bloodshot eyes contrasting with his dark brown irises. Logan's face was so pleading, so helpless, so different. Much like Logan had done before, Carlos raised his hands until they were resting on either side of Logan's face. They both leaned forward slowly, their foreheads touching. Their warm breath mingled between them, but they never lost eye contact.

"I'm always you Carlitos."

Carlos' long eyelashes fluttered closed as he finally leaned forward and connected his plump lips to Logan's.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh…my gosh…you have no idea how long I've been waiting for this. It was so hard to not rush it. At least, I hope I didn't rush it. So can you guys review, please? Tell me if you liked it or not?<strong>

** -Gohanrules out!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: **Hello! I'm so happy you guys liked the last chapter. From here on out, it gets a little different. Now the couple is actually a couple. _And _everyone knows. This chapter is very short, but I figured that was okay since I updated not that long ago. The romance has finally come in and will be entwined with the heavy loads of angst I've been throwing your way. I hope you guys enjoy as usual.

**Warnings: **extreme angst, non-consensual angst, and language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Big Time Rush.

* * *

><p>"<em>I'm always Logie."<em>

_ With some difficulty, Carlos was able to crane his upper body back. Logan didn't have another choice but to pull away, revealing his bloodshot eyes contrasting with his dark brown irises. Logan's face was so pleading, so helpless, so different. Much like Logan had done before, Carlos raised his hands until they were resting on either side of Logan's face. They both leaned forward slowly, their foreheads touching. Their warm breath mingled between them, but they never lost eye contact._

_ "I'm always your Carlitos."_

_ Carlos' long eyelashes fluttered closed as he finally leaned forward and connected his plump lips to Logan's._

Logan's eyes widened in surprise as soon as the shorter boy's lips met his own. For a minute, he was frozen as Carlos shamelessly moved his mouth on his, giving off soft, delicate mewling sounds while he did so. He felt a something wet gliding along his lower lip and opened his mouth slightly. Immediately, the Latino's tongue entered Logan and began quickly moving all along the inside of the brunet's mouth. At that moment, Logan let himself go. His own eyes closed flimsily as Carlos continued to enter every unexplored cavern of his mouth. Logan's arms tightened around Carlos subconsciously as he lost himself in the pleasure the little raven was so selflessly offering him. Logan found himself surprised that Carlos was acting so dominant and even more surprised that he himself was acting completely submissive.

Carlos was becoming more and more bothered by the uncomfortable angle he was forced into in order to continue kissing Logan.

_Kissing Logan._

He was kissing _Logan_. He was kissing his best friend. And not only that; Logan was kissing him back! Carlos' heart faltered for a second. He realized just how…eagerly he was kissing the brunet and blushed furiously. Carlos pulled off of Logan. A small tint of red formed on Logan's cheeks at the small _pop _that came with the sudden movement. Both of their eyes opened at the same time. Carlos' hands had settled on the other's shoulders. The Latino stood up abruptly, but plopped himself back on Logan's lap without a word. This position was a lot less straining to his back. The innocent readjustment caused Logan's mouth to go dry. The petite Hispanic was now unnoticeably straddling him. Before Logan could comment on the new position, Carlos wrapped his arms around Logan's neck and closed in on the brunet's neck.

"I…I really, _really_ like you, Logie. Please d-don't hate me. If you d-don't feel the same way, can we still be friends? We can forget everything. I promise I won't tell James and Kendall. They don't need to know anything. _I promise_."

Carlos spoke with such calm conviction. No matter how long he's had to get used to this Carlos, Logan just broke a little every time he was witness to just how much Carlos has grown. The pale teen's left arm settled over the tan boy's back and his right hand began to play with the soft, black tuft of hair under his chin. Without hesitation, Logan lowered his head and pressed a barely there kiss right under Carlos' ear. The Latino's ear twitched a tiny fraction of an inch.

"How are you so cute?" Logan giggled softly.

Carlos pulled away from Logan's neck. The Latino was looking down at nowhere in particular. Logan smiled softly until he noticed the small droplet that fell.

"Carlos, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Logan asked concernedly.

The honey-toned boy shook his head and wiped away his tears. He looked back up at Logan and beamed, showing off his straight teeth.

"It's nothing. I don't know why I was crying," he answered truthfully. Logan smiled back at the teen on his lap before timidly reaching forward to peck his lips and retreat back. Carlos grinned impishly. He grabbed Logan's neck and pulled him in for a better kiss. Again, Logan was surprised by how much overriding passion Carlos was able to act with. It seemed all Logan had to do was just sit there and let Carlos do all the work. It was a nice feeling, but Logan was uncomfortable with the change of roles when it came to such an intimate act. He was reluctant to just sit back and revel in the liquid electricity flowing through his veins.

Logan's eyes opened wide when his cheek came in contact with the moisture on Carlos' face. He gently pushed the Latino back. Carlos seemed surprised and a little hurt by the action. Logan frowned and wiped the tears away with his thumb. Carlos sniffled.

"I'm sorry. I-I don't…"

"I really, _really_ like you too, Carlitos," Logan smiled reassuringly. The shorter of the two blushed faintly.

"R-re-"

"Yes, really. Would I be here with you on my lap while sitting here on this toilet in this gross bathroom in the mall if I didn't?"

"Maybe-"

"Carlos!" Logan laughed in disbelief. Carlos offered a small smile before he hid his face in the paler teen's neck again. Logan smiled at the obvious blush he could feel radiating from Carlos.

Flashes from the dream Carlos had while at the hospital played through his head once again.

_"You don't have to be afraid."_

"Logie, I'm still afraid. Wh-what i-i-if he comes b-back?" Carlos stuttered. Logan tightened his grip on him once he felt the tattletale tremors starting. He kissed Carlos' shoulder in an attempt to calm him down a bit.

"That's _not_ going to happen, Litos. I promise. You have two brothers that will protect you, I don't know what was going through Kendall's head when we were at the hospital, but I'm sure it's not very good for that guy. You know how Kendall gets when you mess with his family."

_"Will you protect me?" _

"What…what about you?" Carlos uncovered his face from Logan's neck to search the other's eyes. An inexplicable wave of calm surrounded them as they met eyes. That same wave seemed to bring them down underwater, hopelessly leaving them to drown in a sea of raw, unfamiliar emotions. Logan grinned at his cute Latino. He leaned forward and rubbed the tip of his nose with Carlos'. Carlos smiled at the action and giggled a little. He's never seen Logan like this. It was very interesting to see the nerdy brunet acting all flirty with him.

"I, Hortence Philip Mitchell, will _always_ be there to protect you from the monsters in the dark," Logan whispered sincerely. Carlos lips quivered before they settled into a smile.

"Thanks, Logie."

Logan gave a small peck to Carlos soft cheek and motioned for the Latino to get up before he did so himself.

"Let's go. The guys must be waiting for us."

After a few minutes of washing their tear-stained faces, Carlos and Logan finally left the bathroom. As soon as they were out, they both noticed the near-emptiness of the mall. Most of the stores were already closed, and those that weren't were in the process of being so.

"They're over there," Carlos pointed at the mall's main entrance. Logan turned and sure enough, Kendall and James were patiently waiting against the wall. The two tall teens noticed the shorter two coming out of the bathroom and waved them over. Carlos and Logan began to walk their way. As they did, Carlos reached his hand over discreetly and laced his fingers with Logan's. The brunet didn't spare a glance, but he couldn't hold back the goofy grin. Once they reached the others, they were very aware of the pairs of green and hazel eyes staring at their conjoined hands. They blushed and looked away, but they didn't dare separate.

"At least you didn't keep this one a secret," Kendall said decisively before turning around without another glance and walking out of the door. All three stared at his back as he got farther. Once his body was lost somewhere behind the darkness of the night, they all looked at each other. James sighed, but offered a weak smile.

"I can't say I'm surprised. You two are pretty obvious," James chuckled, causing the other two to flush.

"Thanks, James. Really…," Carlos mumbled with a miniscule smile. James reached forward and ruffled the Latino's hair playfully. Logan tensed and looked to Carlos expectantly. He exhaled and relaxed a second later. He was sure the Latino would flinch away from the other's touch, but Carlos surprised him by laughing at the action. Obviously, Carlos _was _getting better after all. It just needed time.

"Let's go home; it's been a long day. Carlos, you should get some rest," the tall brunet commented. He smiled at Carlos then at Logan and winked before following Kendall's step and walking out into the darkness.

Carlos sidestepped closer to Logan and hugged the pale teen's arm affectionately. He rubbed his cheek up and down Logan's bare arm and inhaled the scent of his…that's when the question came up.

"Logie, what are we?"

"Uh…I don't know. I guess I want to be whatever you want me to be."

"I want us to be," Carlos blushed and looked down at his feet, "boyfriends."

"That's what I want us to be too," Logan kissed the top of Carlos' head. He grinned at the faint sigh he got from his new boyfriend.

"Alright, let's go. I'm sleepy."

Carlos adjusted his position so he was hugging Logan's middle instead of his arm. The brunet raised his arms and looked down at the Latino hanging off of him with astonishment. He tentatively began to lower them until one was hanging off his side and the other was hanging over Carlos' shoulders. They both had matching smiles on their faces as they walked out of the mall. At first, their gait was awkward and forced, neither of them used to walking so close together, but after a while they were able to steady themselves against the other effectively. It was after they acquired a stable pace, that Carlos became aware of the pitch blackness of their environment. He furrowed his eyebrows and his arms squeezed Logan's midsection.

"L-"

"Got it."

The path in front of them was suddenly illuminated strongly. Carlos didn't have to look to know that Logan was shining the way with his phone. His light brown eyes darted around, frantically searching for anyone lurking in the shadows. It was coming back. It was starting to take over again. That cold, paranoid, and wrecked little boy that he'd become was making his reappearance like a hungry predator making its second attempt for the kill, the aftershock after the earthquake. The only difference was that this was no mere tremor.

"There aren't any more monsters left, Carlos. I promise."

Carlos couldn't help but think about how wrong and naïve Logan was. How could he actually believe these monsters were gone? The Latino couldn't deny the fact that maybe with the help of the genius those monsters were slightly less unbearable, but they most likely weren't gone. And Carlos didn't see them going away anytime soon. But then again, maybe Logan didn't believe that. After all the genius _is_ a…well, genius. Perhaps Carlos should just start believing in the light he still hasn't witnessed. As they say: ignorance is bliss.

"I believe you."

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><p><strong>Nothing to say other than the usual thanks for reading and I hope you review! Oh, and sorry for any typos, haha.<strong>

** -Gohanrules out!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: **There comes a time where I've got to say "fuck it!" and just post this piece of shit like this. I am _so_ sorry for making you guys wait unbelievably long for this sucky chapter. This is by far the most trouble I've had writing something. So, I ended up just rushing through it so that I could move on. Again, sorry!

**Warnings:** extreme angst, non-consensual sex, and language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Big Time Rush.

* * *

><p>"Dude, chill out," James said from his seat on the couch as he leaned over the back to give Logan a reassuring smile. The shorter brunet chose not to spare a glance at his friend. Instead, he kept his focus on the small cell phone on the table. James sighed at the lack of response just as the front door opened. He turned to see Kendall closing the door behind him. The blond was wearing a pair of swimming trunks and an orange tank top with a soaking green towel draped over his shoulders. It was obvious he had just come back from the pool. He stopped and raised a thick, blond eyebrow when he spotted Logan chewing on his thumbnail as he stared at his phone. He rolled his eyes and continued on to the kitchen.<p>

"Still?"

"He won't listen to me. I think his brain is fried."

Kendall laughed goodheartedly as he opened the fridge to get out a water bottle.

"Logan?"

The brunet blinked. Kendall was unimpressed. He chugged down half the bottle of water before bringing his attention back to the nonresponsive genius. He frowned deeply.

_"Logan?"_ he tried again.

But again, the shorter boy refused to respond. By this point, Kendall had acquired an annoyed expression, but James couldn't hold back the amused smile from splitting his face. The blond's body straightened out and James actually laughed at the fact that their blond leader looked as if he was about to stomp his foot down to get attention. Instead, Kendall slammed his half-empty water bottle right next to Logan's phone. The plastic crinkled loudly enough to get the brunet's attention for a short second before he dutifully turned back to his mobile phone. Kendall seethed.

"Logan! Calm down and j-"

_"Bitches ain't shit a-"_

Logan's eyes widened and his breath hitched loudly. He practically fell out of his seat despite the fact his phone was less than a small foot away from him. He answered the call eagerly, nearly poking a hole right through the device. The phone practically smacked the side of his head as he shouted out a nervous "hello?".

Kendall stepped back. His face scrunched up at Logan before he turned back to look at James. The muscular brunet shrugged his broad shoulders as he stood up. He stretched his thick arms high over his head and reveled in the sounds that were elicited from his body. He slowly made his way over to his two friends, closely listening into Logan's half of the conversation as he did so.

"Uh-huh…yes…and are you sure you checked his-"

Kendall's face was now contorted into a new look of worry. His toxic, green eyes couldn't choose between staring at the phone or the genius talking into it. His orange flip-flops squeaked irritably against the floor of the kitchen due to his nervous twitch.

"N-no, sir…yes, of co- what?...why do-…alright. Yes, I'll make sure to inform him. Thank you. Bye," with that, Logan hung up the phone. His head bowed down, allowing his gel-free hair to completely shadow his eyes. His right hand rose to hold the phone against his chest and his left hand gripped the edge of the table tightly.

Kendall and James shared a terrified look. The blond swallowed, his mouth suddenly very dry. He opened his mouth to speak, to offer any words of comfort like he was expected to. But instead, all that came out was a long, shaky whimper. The sound was so vulnerable, so _not_ Kendall that James just _had _to pull the shorter male into his chiseled chest. The pale blond melted into the embrace, effortlessly finding reassurance between the familiar layers of muscle around him.

James shut his eyes tightly as he held on. The hug was just as much of an anchor for him as it was for Kendall. It felt like his world had just shattered around him. To be honest, it practically did. _Poor Carlos. _Poor, innocent, happy, little Carlos. Why did _he_ deserve all this? What did _he_ do? James could only hope that Logan would help Carlos through this now that they were together.

_Logan._

The tall heartthrob reluctantly pulled his face away from where he had apparently dug it into Kendall's hair. He looked through the strands of hair that fell over his eyes to see Logan shaking in the same, frozen spot. The pale boy's knuckles were turning white on the table under the force of his grasp. His shoulders were barely shaking, vibrating almost. James reached an arm from around Kendall to reach over and place his strong hand on his tense shoulder. The touch went completely unnoticed by Logan as his legs seemed to give way beneath him. His knees wobbled furiously before he tumbled forward onto the table. He supported himself on his elbows and placed the phone down.

"I can't believe this…," he muttered to himself.

"Logan, we nee-"

"Please…_please_ let this be real," Logan interrupted.

"Loga-," James froze, confused by the other's choice of words, "wait, what?"

Logan tilted his head up, revealing a bright smile. The brunet's eyes were narrowed by the voltage of his smile. He let out a dizzy chuckle as his hand combed through his untouched hair.

"He's clean. _He's clean_. That bastard didn't win this one. We won one. Carlos won one."

James' eyes widened as he released a loud, surprised gasp. He retracted his arm, bringing it back around Kendall and tightening his grip without even knowing it. His body was rigid as he attempted to truly understand the meaning behind Logan's words. Meanwhile, Kendall had already realized what was going on. He slid his hands between James' body and his own and pushed gently, but James refused to let go. The blond began to struggle to free himself from the embrace, but the towering brunet seemed to be too distracted to even notice his futile attempts. He wriggled around helplessly.

"James, get off!" Kendall yelled abruptly. The muscular teen jumped and let go of the shorter.

"Uh…my bad," he smiled sheepishly.

Kendall offered a short smile and shrugged to show he wasn't mad. The indifferent look dropped instantly to be replaced by an angry expression as he snapped his head in Logan's direction. His expression dropped once again when he caught sight of Logan's. Despite himself, Kendall found himself smiling at the goofy-looking brunet. He rolled his eyes and coughed.

"Gosh, Logan. You've been spending too much time around Carlos. You're so sensitive now," Kendall joked in an attempt to lighten the situation. The teasing managed a laugh out of Logan. The genius stood up straight and ran his palm down his face as if doing so would wipe the stupid, crooked smile off.

"Yeah, you're right. I guess I got a little carried away," he explained, suddenly embarrassed by his earlier show of emotion. He smiled widely at Kendall and James. They were his best friends, his brothers. They were the closest people to him, other than Carlos, of course. It's been a couple weeks since the incident with Carlos, which means it's also been a couple weeks since Kendall and James have known and even more important…a couple weeks since Logan and Carlos have been together. Logan's cheeks flushed at that thought; however, he wasn't allowed any more time to blush because the subject of his thoughts came walking in to the living room.

"Hey…guys…," Carlos forced through a loud yawn as he closed the door to his and Logan's bedroom behind him. His mouth opened wide as he stretched his arms high over his head. Logan forced himself to keep his eyes away from the sliver of smooth skin that tempted him as Carlos' shirt rode up. He felt a small push on his shoulder that caused him to tip a little and looked to see Kendall grinning at him. He raised his eyebrow and was answered by the blond's own, thicker eyebrows wriggling up and down suggestively. Logan immediately felt the same heat from earlier travelling up his neck with a vengeance.

"Shut up," he whispered to the blond just before Carlos reached him and wrapped his arms around his shoulders.

"What, Logie?"

"Nothing, Carlitos," Logan said as he wrapped his own, slightly thicker arms around the Hispanic's waist. He leaned down and settled his lips against his new boyfriend's disheveled, black hair. His eyes closed on their own accord as soon as Carlos' sweet aroma reached his nostrils. He delivered a small kiss to the top of the Latino's head and smiled softly.

Carlos' smile was miles wider than Logan's, but lucky for him the genius' chest was covering it up. He hadn't bothered combing his hair after waking up just twenty minutes ago. He knew Logan found it cute when it looked like this. Carlos was only a little embarrassed by the fact he deliberately strayed away from his morning routine to please Logan. After all, for the past month and a half it's been about nothing but him. It's about time Logan started getting attention in return.

"I don't know how we never noticed how gay you two are."

Logan lifted his head and Carlos turned his head to the side. They both rolled their eyes, annoyed by their friend's joking comment. Surprisingly, Carlos was the one to respond.

"What's _really_ hard to believe is how you still haven't noticed how gay _you_ are, Mr. Eyeliner."

Kendall and Logan's mouths opened in surprise. There was a second of short-lived silence right before the blond and brunet busted out laughing uncontrollably. James' tan skin was tinted a familiar rosy color as he scowled down at the grinning Latino in Logan's arms.

"Why don't you come over here and say that to my face, shorty?" James offered with a frown on his face, though they all knew he was playing around. Carlos squared his shoulders and extracted himself from Logan's grasp. James grinned and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well? What are you waiting for, Garcia?"

Carlos revealed his own, playful grin right before bolting forward and crashing full force into the tall brunet. Logan and Kendall's eyes widened at the same time James' grunt of pain reached their ears. Their jaws were practically hovering right over their feet as they watched James and Carlos roll around the floor while trying to gain the upper hand in their wrestling match.

The two teens watching on were wearing matching looks of shock for different reasons. Kendall was stunned by how easily Carlos was overpowering James on the floor. The tall teen was the strongest of the group. For Carlos, the shortest of the group, to take him down like that…wow. On the other end, Logan wasn't thinking about Carlos' strength at all. His swift mind was overwhelmingly stumped over his…_boyfriend's _behavior. Even with all the small wins he had been totaling up over the past weeks, for the short band member to just tackle the strongest of the group with a smile on his face…it was just unbelievable. Strange as it may be, Logan counted this little interaction today as another win. Another sign that things could only get better from here.

"Uh…maybe we should break them up. They're getting kind of-"

"James, wait!"

_CRASH!_

Logan and Kendall let out matching sets of groans as they hung their heads back in annoyance. The two on the floor seemed ignorant of the fact that they weren't just rolling around on the floor, but now they were rolling around the floor littered with small, sharp pieces of Mama Knight's favorite vase. Kendall's face pinched in frustration as he quickly made his way to the two, looking like a parent about to discipline their children. The smart brunet watched curiously as the blond attempted to yell over the pair of forceful voices without much success. Logan sighed.

"Carlos!" he shouted just loud enough for the Hispanic to hear over his own battle cries. The pair on the ground froze. Carlos turned his head quizzically to the side, light brown eyes staring down Logan's darker ones. The spiky-haired genius found the gesture insanely adorable for some reason. Never mind the fact that the Latino was straddling the towering member's stomach with both his hands fisted in his collar threateningly.

"Yeah?"

"The hospital called."

The reply was quick and to the point. Everyone in the room knew what Logan was talking about, but only Carlos himself was unaware of where this was going. His body seemed to wilt like an overlooked sunflower as his eyes suddenly found his fist over James' chest more interesting. A tint of red blanketed his face as a wave of shame hit him full on.

"Oh."

Logan flashed a quick, sympathetic smile. He knew exactly why the Latino felt embarrassed. He was the only one to accompany him at the hospital and he witnessed firsthand how much of a mess the Latino was. They had arrived at the hospital an hour after having breakfast, but hadn't left until around six in the afternoon. It took hours of convincing, but the doctors had finally allowed Logan to be in the room while Carlos was getting checked. Even now, just thinking about Carlos' trembling hand in his and the fat tears rolling down his red, heated face made Logan want to curl in on himself.

"Carlos, get off of me," James coughed out of nowhere.

"You're fine."

The expected response was a joyous Latino running around and bouncing off the walls yelling out chants of "Really, Logie?" and "I can't believe this!". Instead, Carlos slowly got up off of James stuck his hand out for the other to pull himself up as well.

"Good," he mentioned quietly with a genuine smile adorning his face. Although not as big of a reaction as initially expected, Logan could read the relief behind the Hispanic's mild features. His own, crooked smile made itself known, resulting in a simultaneous laugh from James and Kendall.

"I think this call for a celebration!"

"Smoothies!" James yelled decisively, getting everyone's attention. "On Kendall!"

"Wait, wh-"

James was off, making out of the door before anyone was able to register what was happening. Kendall glared at no one in particular.

"There is _no_ way! All of you guys owe me money already!"

"Woo! Smoothies on Kendall!" Carlos screamed annoyingly as he followed James' lead and dashed out, making sure the slam the door behind him loudly. That left Logan and Kendall alone in the apartment. The blond raised a thick eyebrow, just daring the other to say something else. Logan had the decency to look embarrassed as he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly and smiled softly.

"I could go for a smoothie…"

With a roll of his eyes and an exaggerated sigh, the lanky teen walked away and motioned for the other to follow.

"You guys suck."

* * *

><p><strong>Heheh. Yeah. I'm really sorry about this. I'm aware this is the worst chapter so far. I'll try to make the next one more interesting. They're also a lot more OOC than usual here. I'll work on it. Until next time (hopefully that's soon)!<strong>

** -GohanRules out!**


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